Katastrophies & Other Important News

This week has flown by and it’s almost my favorite part of the week – the weekend. We have major plans this weekend (ok, not really). I am driving to the end of the earth tomorrow to pick up my sister. That night Chad is treating us to a movie, The Proposal, it has gotten good reviews so I am excited. Saturday my sis and I are meeting the girls at the movies for My Sister’s Keeper, which I have wanted to see since they began advertising. I read the book a few years ago and was impressed; although I never would have pictured Cameron Diaz as the mom, I guess Lauren Conrad was busy. But who am I to cast a movie. After the movie we will head back home for some swimming and a girl’s night.

Chad is taking his first of five real estate classes this weekend. I am so excited for him! Once he gets up and running I plan to join – I have LOVED looking at houses since I was little, my parents used to take us to open houses on Sundays after church. We were never in the market to move or anything my Mom just happened to love looking at houses. I would pick out which bedroom would be mine and decorate the place in my head. On top of just looking at houses I also love to decorate and organize so I am thinking real estate would be great for me – I am just going to let Chad go first is all. But no matter what I promise we will NEVER get one of those cheesy yard signs with our smiling faces and THE LEMONS TEAM scrawled across the front, yikes it’s scary just to think about. But do you think it would be professional to include Chewy on our business cards? Just think about it:

Yesterday’s weather was so nice that I decided to go for a run after my workout – and didn’t almost pass out half way in either!  Dinner was a green smoothie and some half salt Vics white popcorn (YUM).  I highly recommend this popcorn, you can have 3 cups for only 130 calories.

I came home from the grocery store with quite a few little goodies.  One of which was a package of Sunmaid Yogurt Raisins.  120 calories a box, sweet and they posses good snackability (which is so a word).   

I also grabbed an Amy’s Organic Gluten Free Enchilada bowl, previously I had tried the Santa Fe Rice Bowl and was not impressed, but the enchilada was different – very yummy and only 350 calories (which is good for a prepackaged meal that isn’t a Lean Cuisine). 

But don’t think I forgot Mr. Chad, because I totally hooked him up too:

• Queso

• TGI Friday’s Spinach Artichoke dip

• Bagel Bites

• Deli melt sandwich

• Dove ice cream bites (assorted)

• Pringles Pizza Sticks

• Drumsticks

After working out and eating drinking dinner Chad and I settled in to watch some mindless TV.  Even though we haven’t been watching the Bachelorette all season or since 2006 it was the only thing on (HBO was playing Live Free or Die Hard yet AGAIN, seriously, ENOUGH).  Anyhow, if you watched last night you know the whole Wes saga.  He is now and will forever be known as the only guy to get to the top four WITH A GIRLFRIEND.  Nice.  Now, I can’t remember, why did I stop watching this show??  Hmmm.  It was a special bonus that he is from Texas and dresses like Howdy Toolbag.

Other than that I finished Chasing Harry Winston and feel asleep next to the dog.  Yeah, it was a wild night per usual.

The title of today’s blog pretty much accurately describes this weekend, at least food wise.  Yesterday was especially awful.  I was tired from the weekend’s activities so I basically didn’t move from the couch all day, except to go to the fridge for more snacks.  Here is a brief overview of our Fourth of July holiday weekend:

Thursday Night: Grocery store, dinner, movie (Transformers), bed.

Friday: Food prep, run, Kaboom Town, shameful late night stop at Wendys, bed (I hear it’s good to eat a frosty before bed, especially if you cut the sugar with some French fries).

Saturday:  More food prep, decorating, complete OCD mode (I may or may not have trimmed the hedges an hour before party time), yell at Chad for not getting the ice and scooping the poop fast enough, Chad yell at me for being a tad bit insane (totally warranted), party time, water volleyball, lots of food, clean up time (for me at least), bed time.

Sunday: eat, do nothing, eat some more (mostly sugar, perhaps another Frosty), watch NYC Prep (my newest reality obsession), watch a recorded episode of The Real World, eat some Jelly Bellies, almost fall asleep, change out the laundry, eat some fruit dip and strawberries (since I worked up an appetite from changing out the laundry), eat some of Chad’s fries, have some ice cream, go into slight sugar coma, awake just in time for more Jelly Bellies, get mad that True Blood is a rerun, watch Hung instead (not that impressed), read my book, fall into a deep guilty sugar induced sleep…..and vow never to swear off sugar for any length of time because apparently the back lash is far worse than a slow steady intake.

Yikes, just typing out the amount of sugar I had scares me.  So yeah, my two weeks with no sugar was officially over on Saturday and boy did I make up for lost time.  My overall synopsis of going without: NOT WORTH IT.  I didn’t lose any weight, didn’t notice any difference in my energy level and was pretty grouchy to boot.  The biggest difference was that I thought about sugar a lot more, and craved it more than I ever do when I know I can have it whenever.  I mean, what sane person licks the icing tops off of cupcakes (and puts them back in the fridge hoping nobody will notice)?

P.S. Transformers was just OK.  Chad and I had high hopes because we loved the first one so much.  I had to roll my eyes at the first scene with Megan Fox (although I noticed Chad was laser focused) come on people, really, honestly (watch the movie and you will see what I mean). 

P.P.S. I highly recommend that you check out NYC Prep, it’s fun to watch.  They have a totally different language, much like The Hills, every other word is “like” or “um” or “yeah” or a combination of the three.  I think it’s quite insane that one young socialite lives in a loft with her 18 year old  brother while their parents live in the Hamptons.  I’m sorry what?   You let your 16 year old live in NYC without you?  I will be so shocked when they have to check her into rehab or become 35 year old grandparents.

THE TABLE

THE THEMED FRUIT

GIGI AND SOPHIA

I am just not a picture girl so these were all I got!

I have lots of food reports to give. First and foremost, my gluten free pizza last night was just OK. The organic sauce I used was too sweet for pizza, so if you know of a good marinara let me know. The crust was decent, definitely crispy. I will probably try a different brand next time; hopefully I can find the Namaste Sugar Free crust cousin Jennie raved about.

Second, I wanted sugar last night like never before. I almost caved too because Chad was out playing golf and there I was standing face-to-face with a bag of Swedish fish and nobody to hold me accountable. They were looking me in the eye, calling my name. But I shut door to the pantry and walked away instead (yeah me). My two weeks is up this Saturday, the 4th of July, when I will officially declare my independence from a sugar free lifestyle! And for the occasion I will surround myself with bowls overflowing with sour cherry Jelly Bellies. Oh the bliss.

Third, I discovered a glorious yogurt – Stonyfield Farms Oikos organic Greek honey yogurt. It’s just 120 calories and for someone who hasn’t had refined sugar in 8 days it was HEAVEN. I paired it with a banana and it was practically like dessert, only healthy. I highly recommend it.

Ok so for the last 2 years, after getting married, I have had a difficult time getting a good night’s rest. Not for any interesting or scandalous reasons. No, no. I can fall asleep fine but it’s STAYING asleep that seems to be the problem, I wake up 6 times a night and I am tired the next morning. The culprits: The Dog and The Husband, but mostly The Dog.

It’s not that Chad snores it’s just the fact that when he comes to bed at 2:00 or later I wake up. The dog usually starts the night with me, either by my side under the covers or on the pillow next to me. Then he gravitates towards my feet, then he usually gets up to see what Chad is doing, then on his way back he gallops down the hallway, leaps on to the bench at the foot of the bed and then onto the bed itself. When Chad comes to bed the dog wakes up and starts whimpering and snuggles close to him. Then sometime around 4:00 AM he snuggles directly next to me and presses his legs into my back as he stretches. Around 5:45 AM, right before my alarm goes off, the dog begins taking his morning bath – in my ear. So I awake to the sound of incessant licking and if I am lucky his stride is a bit too long and I get a nice lick on the shoulder to wake me up. Gee, I can’t imagine why I am so tired every morning.

All that said I decided to try Simply Sleep by Tylenol this week, it’s like a Tylenol PM but without the medication (that I don’t need anyway). Sunday night I took one – nothing. Monday night I took two and I thought I was going to pass out before I hit the bedroom. I was so drowsy that it was actually difficult to fall asleep. And I took it a little too late so the next day was foggy. Last night I took one and a half at 8:00. Then I thought it might be a good idea to take a swim. Huh? I felt all loopy like I was on drugs, well technically I was but not the kind that should make you want to jump in a pool when you should be jumping into bed. I am going to try the same dosage tonight and just fight the urge to swim.

Yesterday, Monday, was of course grocery day. Feeling ambitious I actually stopped at Sprouts first and then went to Tom Thumb. Sprouts was having a 25% off all gluten free items and I couldn’t pass it up. Tonight I will be making my first ever gluten free pizza, since Chad will be with the guys playing with sticks and small white balls – golf balls people, golf balls (perverts). I couldn’t find the Namaste Sugar Free pizza crust that cousin Jennie recommended so I had to settle for an Asian looking rendition. I will give a full report tomorrow.

YUM

I spent the remainder of the evening working out, going for a walk and watching True Blood. Newest mystery – the new clumsy waitress Daphney. She is dumb, slow, and always making mistakes and she has scars on her back that indicate she might be the ox/man creature that attacked Sookie. Which would make sense – dumb and clumsy as an ox (get it). But time will tell. Oh and I am curious as to what exactly is the deal with Marianne. The eye thing reminds me of Heros. And is it just me or does it feel like that preacher wife might come out in a whipped cream bikini at any moment? I keep waiting for something to happen there. They are fishier than day old sushi. Seems more like they are running a camp to find young people with talent that they can profit from than a true service to young leaders.

P.S. If you are thinking of renting Confessions of a Shopaholic….don’t. It was so bad I couldn’t finish it on Sunday night, but then I decided to turn it back on while I worked out yesterday, I needed something mindless. Really. Really. Bad.

So I finished the 2 part Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion this weekend. The highlight by far was this Q&A exchange:

Host: Danielle, are you a pathological liar?

Danielle: No, of course not.

Um, what pathological liar worth their salt actually admits to being a pathological liar? Duh, liars lie about being liars, that’s how it works.

The other amusing moment was when Danielle broke down and cried, or at least I think that’s what she was doing. I couldn’t quite tell because her face doesn’t move, like at all. It’s weird, I kept waiting for her to show emotion but it was as if her face could only go so far.

And am I correct in assuming that it sounds like Danielle threatened to take a hit out on Dina but didn’t go through with it? I mean, they were trying to be all incognito about it and not actually say the words but that’s sure what it sounded like to me! Crazy.

I spent most of the weekend in the sun so I have a definite sangover today (sun hangover). Why is it that I love the sun so much? I don’t know. I think it’s because I can lay there and do nothing and yet I feel like I am accomplishing something (a great tan).

Sunday after a day on the boat we stopped in to get a burger at….Redneck Heaven. It’s not a place I would normally frequent but I went along with the crowd. Some of the more notable accents – an oil rig water fountain in the center of the restaurant, poker tables, and lumberjack outfits for the waitresses. I wonder what my boss would say if I showed up to work in boots, jean shorts cut off just below my butt cheek and a flannel shirt tied tightly up around my bosom? Possible responses:

a. “Nice outfit.”

b. “I think it’s time for a raise.”

c. “Here’s a $20 now run and go get me a beer.”

d. “Is it April Fools Day?”

e. “Go home. And change. Now. Before I tell your Grandmother.”

I am gonna go with e. How would one put this on a resume – Lumberjack Wench?

It’s not many a Friday that I show up to work in a black dress and heels but today I do so in honor of Amy.  I would say that today is a sad day but I suppose it would be more accurate to say that today is sad for me, and all of us that knew Amy, but joyous for her.  She is already safe and sound enjoying her mansion in Heaven.  And I would wager all my earthly possessions on the fact that she has quite the mansion.

I am afraid my attempt to describer Amy would not do her justice, so instead read a blog my Uncle Tom wrote, I think it’s more than eloquent.  I would, however, like to share a few of my favorite things about her. 

Amy had the purest heart of anyone I have ever met.  You always knew that her intentions were right and she had no hidden agenda.  She carried a light with her at all times that oozed joy – not just happiness but true, God-given joy.  This is how she did everything in her life, the good, the bad, the not fun, the exciting, the arduous, the sad….she handled it with grace and joy.  Amy was a friend to everyone and nothing was too much trouble.  She would give you the shirt off her back and actually she usually did just that.  Amy was always giving.  I myself was on the receiving end of purses, jeans, tops, and makeup but I didn’t consider myself too special because Amy was giving to everyone.  Just like HeatherBakes I remember lunch time trips to the resale store or the mall.  Amy would race us to the retail and race us back in just under an hour, it was amazing.  Most of all Amy’s smile, excitement and love for others are what I will remember most.  For a petite little thing she filled an entire room with her spirit.  We would all be so lucky as to leave a legacy even close to what Amy has left all of us.

Last Friday when Amy passed away, in an effort not to become a blubbering mess at work, I glanced upward and caught sight of my overhead bin where I saw a beautiful rugged looking magnetic cross…that Amy had given me.  So much for holding it together.

I have found that I may or may not be getting a little irritable about my food situation.  Last night I was looking forward to a yummy smoothie with banana, frozen strawberries, spinach, plain yogurt, soy milk and honey.  Only, when I went to get the banana it was gone.  CHAD!  To his defense I didn’t tell him to keep his hands off my nanner.  However, there are like 3 things I can eat in our house: chicken, tortilla chips, and salad.  Chad, however, can have:

• Ice cream

• Bread

• Pasta

• Cokes

• Cookies

• Candy

• Frozen dinners galore

• Pizza

So you get the idea.  And my lack of options has made me, well, a little snippy.  Can you blame me?

This is my third official day without sugar.  While the first day was a little difficult after dinner it hasn’t been so bad since then.  I haven’t really been tempted, even last night as Chad ate a bowl of ice cream right in front of me.  I did have to hide my bag of Jelly Bellies at work though, they were already in a drawer but I had to stuff them completely out of sight (just in case).

So in honor of my two week NO SUGAR trial I thought a little sugar porn was appropriate:

Now that was HOT – admit it.

Last night I balled my eyes out watching Jon and Kate, which should probably be appropriately renamed: Jon minus Kate = very sad and permanently affected 8 kids. Since nobody is really talking about it I think it’s my duty to do so. My overall synopsis: two people who got married young, had lots of kids, got famous and now are two very angry people who have not taken the proper time or measures (i.e. counseling) outside of the public eye to really give it try. In essence they have given up without ever really giving it a go. I don’t understand, people put 10 years into a marriage but won’t give counseling 1 full year? And despite the “peace” they are giving their kids I think it’s really a cop out. It’s not about the kids, it’s about them. Before you jump all over me, I know sometimes divorce is the only option when someone is abusive, destructive, or otherwise bad news and unwilling to change. But from the outside looking in (just like the rest of America) that’s not the case I see with Jon and Kate. And that’s all I have to say about that (today anyway).

Ok, so major news: I am off of sugar for two weeks. Yes, that means Jelly Bellies too, actually, it means ESPECIALLY Jelly Bellies. I am already off complex carbs since I can’t eat bread or pasta or cakes or pies so I just want to see what no sugar does to my system. I hear that it helps you burn more fat, so I will give a full report in two weeks! If I make it that long without hurting someone, yikes, I am like a smoker who goes cold turkey. Meanwhile Chad had a piece of pie after dinner last night and as I was going to sleep he grabbed the container of cheesecake bites and a fresh Coke. Nice.

So, my favorite holiday is coming up! No, not Canada Day. The 4th of July! It has been my favorite holiday ever since Christmas stopped being my favorite holiday, around age 15. Why is this you ask? Well, how could you not love: swimming, BBQing, sparklers, hanging with friends, themed flag décor, getting a day off of work and firework displays. I mean, if you DON’T love all of those things I think it’s time to turn in your American card. So to all of you REAL Americans out there HAPPY EARLY 4TH OF JULY!!!

True Blood.  Last night.  Was really, really good.  I just never know what to expect.  I have decided, however, that poor Sookie needs a little makeover.  Last night on her “day off” from the restaurant she had her hair half up in curly tendrils like she was going to prom.  Only she had on plaid shorts, a white shirt and a jean jacket – which is odd because why wear a jean jacket if you are wearing booty shorts.  And really, why wear booty shorts at all?  Unless you are going to a 1995 themed party, then I guess it’s ok. 

I still have Kendra and Denise Richards lined up to watch tonight, I have to stock up on recorded shows so that I don’t get all depressed mid week when HGTV is rerunning the same House Hunters episode for the 95th time and HBO is showing Live Free or Die Hard yet AGAIN (can they not throw in a Steel Magnolias every 5th time or what).

As some of you may or may not know Chad, my dear husband, is obsessed with golf.  And while he does want to fill me in on the details of each game he really “doesn’t care” if I decide to take up the hobby myself or not.  However, he does like the idea of me riding in the cart with him on evenings when he is playing solo.  So I did this, a few weeks ago because he seemed so eager for me to join him (and I hate disappointing him).

I don’t know why he was so surprised or dismayed when I didn’t pay a lick of attention to his golf game.  I mean, HELLO, there are 500 houses, at least 50 dogs, and about 458 bunnies to admire on each hole.  So excuse me for not “watching to see where your ball went” or for disrupting play by announcing “THERE’S A BUNNY (again)!” And might I add that one bathroom along 18 holes is hardly enough to accommodate this young lady.  I also hear that sipping white wine while traveling these 18 holes also might increase one’s need to use the restroom (but that’s just a rumor and a non-issue because they should anticipate these types of things).

Needless to say I have not been invited back (which may or may not have been part of my evil plan).

Just think if I did start playing now this could be me in 40 years:

And this could be Chad -those are some hot shoes!