Katastrophies & Other Important News

During a routine news search on PerezHilton.com I came upon yet another picture of Brad Pitt.  Between Angelina, the twins and the other 8 children his mug seems to be splashed across the pages and screens of everything I read and watch.  This either means that I have astounding taste in entertainment and news or he is nearing overexposure (it probably means both). 

I have been a Brad fan my whole life, or whatever part of it he has been famous for so I can’t believe I am saying that I am getting sick of seeing him.  Because really, he never says anything.  There are no scandalous articles where he says something profound or moving or particularity intelligent (not that he isn’t smart) and other than that, um, I guess I am just losing interest.

Is it possible that the media has built him up so high that there is no where for him to go but down?  Or do I simply indulge in way too much entertainment “news”? 

Well, I will say that I have cut WAY back on my gossip mags and sites.  I used to visit Perez 3-4 times a day just to read the latest post (um, wait, I mean only on Friday night through Sunday when I wasn’t working).  And every grocery store trip meant the latest US Weekly, and in case you didn’t know, it’s a weekly publication….not to mention the glorious stint where Chad bought me a subscription but I think that was more about pacifying me during football season (too bad I can read one of those in 30 minutes flat, not near enough time to enjoy an entire of Sunday free of my whining). 

Anyhow, my point is (wait, is there a point) I need to cut back even more if Brad is starting to lose his appeal.  It will be a sad, sad day when I can’t even bare to look at his face!

I know everyone is dying to know the results of my herbed chicken and brown rice dish.  No?  Well you get the full report anyway.  The recipe called for zucchini, celery and green onion to be baked with the chicken and rice.  Unfortunately Tom Thumb was OUT of zucchini.  Despite their usual fully stocked shelves and abundance of all things that I like occasionally they are out of certain fruits and veggies but I chalk it up to the season.  I would rather not have zucchini at all than have 3 old and moldy ones to choose from.  I digress. 

I was TOTALLY impressed with the brown rice.  It was tasty, probably due to the veggies and low sodium chicken broth, and hearty.  The chicken was good too, a little lemon flair to it (from the lemon juice).  Chad even liked it although he didn’t get seconds on the brown rice.  The pieces of celery were like little bits of yummy gold hidden in between the grains of rice, they were so good.  It was relatively easy to make too, although it bakes for an hour there is no turning or basting or what not, it’s just put in, turn on and go (and no this cannot be twisted into an inappropriate sexual remark…well it could but I shall refrain).

They have done it again, I tried the “chicken” patties at Heather’s suggestion and they were delicious!  One patty is only 140 calories so I had 2 with ketchup and red onion and a little side salad.  That’s still less than a Lean Cuisine and it wasn’t covered in plastic and frost bite either (sorry LC, you know I still love you). 

Today is officially my 4^th day without a diet drink.  While I am still using a little Splenda in my coffee it has already made a huge difference in the way I feel and seemingly my hunger level – do you think that’s really possible?  Well, the lure of a bubbly refreshing Coke Zero still calls to me but I am resisting!  Since I can’t have diet drinks I have been having A LOT of water with Propel, boring yet it makes me feel healthy.  Tonight I slipped a little Simply Lemonade into my water and it’s extremely refreshing.  The best part is NO artificial sweetener, just good old fashioned sugar. 

Tomorrow night I am making a light herbed chicken with brown rice.  For a rice fanatic switching to brown isn’t exactly exciting but I am trying to cut out the bad carbs.  And Chad, if you are reading this pretend like you didn’t read I was serving you brown rice.  Tuck it away in the back of your memory – the same place where you put your note about replacing the smoke detector and mowing the lawn (it will be safe, sound and sure not to escape in there).

Thursday night I am bringing back spaghetti night with turkey meat sauce, wahoooo!  And the crowd went wild.  My sister will be staying with us and I know that at least SHE will be happy with my meal selection.  I will also be serving Texas Toast, however, I will not be indulging.  So it will really just be Chad, Elizabeth and probably the dog that get to savor the cheesy buttery flavor…wait, that’s everyone EXCEPT me.  Booooooo.  Bread is one of my favorite things, especially French bread….and garlic bread…..and well anything with yeast that can be baked, buttered and eaten (inappropriate remarks about yeast are not acceptable at this point in the blog).

Friday night I will be mixing up some of Gigi’s famous Crack Dip.  Although this is not the official name it’s really the only fitting description.  It’s this amazing mingling of avocado, red pepper, corn, black beans, olives, garlic, olive oil some herbs that is absolutely NOT possible to put down.  Crack Dip day will also officially end my cooking for the week as the oven dish stops right there Mr.  It’s restaurants and take out until Monday when I hit the grocery store again!

Chad went outside of the norm and rented a no-name non-explosive movie the other night.  Bill, with Aaron Eckhart, is pretty darn funny!  If you are looking for an irreverent flick with humor and the unexpected this one is for you.  Jessica Alba is also in it but don’t worry, not for long.  I didn’t realize I wasn’t a fan of hers but as it turns out I am not.  She is just sort of annoying and not that good of an actress.  If anyone used to watch the TV show Bobby the younger brother from that is also featured, he is very good!  Also, the cop brother from Journeyman (yet another good show that was cancelled) plays an interesting role.  All in all I would rate it an 8.0.

P.S. Do you think we watch too many movies?

I decided that while I have posted twice about my favorite things I have yet to rant about the things that I hate and that irritate me.  Depending on the day pretty much anything could be irritating but there are those good old classics that are irritating any day!

1.    Aloof & Distracted Sales People (especially retail): I would think that anyone in sales would attempt to make themselves SUPER available and helpful to customers.  So why is that more often than not I find that sales clerks are texting, gossiping with coworkers or just plain doing their best to avoid me?  This doesn’t make sense to me.  And honestly some of them are so young that I am not sure it’s legal to leave them alone in a store without adult supervision.  Apparently the draw of socializing is too great for anyone under 18 to resist.  And it’s downright ironic when I have to INTERRUPT their personal conversations to ask a question.

2.   Large Cars in Small Spaces:   So you have an SUV, fine.  If I could have it my way I would have a Lexus hybrid SUV, so it’s nothing against SUVs.  Knowing you have a large car you should also realize that you are not going to fit into every parking space.  Because when you do you are really giving the rest of us the giant middle finger because you take up a spot and a half.  This causes your door to hit someone else’s OR it literally makes the other spot useless.  I like to relate it to wearing pants that are too small.  Yes, you can make them work after a few tries but does anyone really want to see the results?  You are hanging out and over and everyone can see that your pants/parking space doesn’t really fit.  Save yourself the trouble and do us all a favor and go up a size in both!

3.   Off-Brand Bath Products:  I say this with not an ounce of snobbery.  Obviously nobody knows what kind of bath products you use, except maybe your spouse or roommate, so it’s not like you are trying to impress anyone.  But investing $12-$25 in a name brand body wash or lotion goes a long way.  I am not talking Gucci lotion or anything just a good Bath and Body Works flavor or brand.  Off-brand products don’t have a lasting smell, or if they do it’s not one that you want to last.  They tend to be watery, therefore not lasting as long because you have to use twice as much to get the job done.  And that’s all I have to say about that.

Saturday was sort of a bum around day.  We didn’t really have any plans, except for dinner later that night.  So we went and tanned and then headed home, except neither one of us really wanted to go home yet so Chad turns to me and asks, “Do you want to go walk about Bed Bath and Beyond?”  I’m sorry what was that.  Did he just ask me if I wanted to go walk around a store without a specific purpose, and a home goods store no less?  This can’t be.  I checked the sky to see if there pigs, then I looked below to see if hell was cooling down.  Nope.  Neither one, I can only assume that he was THAT bored or that I have totally turned him in to me, I like to think the first because the second may get my hopes up too high.

So we did and it turns out we did need something – a new shredder.  The old one had been dead for a few months but we have kept it because it cleverly disguises the mess of cords behind the computer desk.

That night we went to the Lemons’ household and enjoyed fried fish, red potatoes, salad and angel food cake with strawberries.  Then we watched the Great Debaters with Denzel Washington.  It was really good, very heartwarming and real – you know, since it was a true story and all.  It’s good to be reminded of the historical atrocities of this country, I think in many ways we are too quick to forget and in other cases we are too eager to linger in the past.  There has to be a good balance, I think, of the two.

Sunday Beth and I desperately wanted to lay out and bask in the sun, but alas there was no pool in sight for us…one of the few disadvantages of home ownership is the lack of a public pool to lounge beside.  Instead I decided to tool around at the Gap and even ventured into White House Black Market to look for a reunion dress. 

On my way home I decided to cash in on my FREE Vivano coupon from Starbucks.  I chose a location without a drive thru because I had a lot of questions about this Vivano and I didn’t feel the loud speaker would properly convey my concerns.  First question, “So, exactly how much sugar is in one of these things?”  And the second question, “And more importantly how many calories?”  I stood there cynically as the poor young scruffy gentlemen replied, “Well, I don’t know about sugar but the Mango Banana has 240 calories, so that’s not that bad.”  Um, excuse me, not that bad?  What kind of diet was he on, obviously he wasn’t!  240 calories is like 100 calories away from a full blown Lean Cuisine meal.  240 calories was not my average afternoon snack, no sir.  But luckily today I had only had a few turkey dogs and planned on a delicious Lean Cuisine later so I thought that I could stand the 240 calories, but just this once.

I was not disappointed; it was a yummy frozen bit of heaven in a desolate land of chips and salty snacks.  I drank it all before I even got home, and that says a lot since it only takes me about 6 minutes to get home from the Tollway and Park.  The Starbucks gent also pointed out that the chocolate version was a mere 270 but frankly I am not a chocolate fan.  I mean, I like it once in a while but I don’t crave it like some women.  I would much rather eat popcorn, chips & salsa or Cheetos all day long than gorge on a box of chocolates.

P.S. I think I know which dress I am getting too, but I have yet to purchase it so check back soon for a picture!

As has become custom I feel it my duty to give you a full report on any movies that Chad and I see.  This Friday it was a long overdue trip to Cinemark for Hancock.  It was one that we had been meaning to go to but we got distracted by Batman and busy weekends.  There were a lot of little kids, probably 8-12 year olds, which I didn’t really give much thought to at first.  I couldn’t remember if it was PG-13 or R but it seemed like a pretty harmless movie.  It started out by showing all the trailer scenes, I hoped there would be more to it than that….and there was!  WARNING: did you know that they can now drop the F-bomb in PG-13 movie?  UH, well, they can and they did.  And all those 8-12 year olds were there to hear it.  I guess it was an attempt to make Will Smith’s character more gritty and rough but it was (as my grandmother would say) TOTALLY unnecessary.  And yes, I realize that makes me sound like an old lame woman but I don’t care.  But other than that I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of the movie.  There was, as you may have heard, a surprise twist.  Which I think was absolutely key to it not being a cookie cutter action hero makeover story.  I walked away really pleased.  Overall I would rate it a (drum roll please)…………..9.0.  Yeah, it won’t win an Oscar or anything but apparently only long, odd and boring movies win Oscars anyway.

Oh and I was very pleased to see Charlize in a different roll.  Not one where she is ugly, abused or sad the whole time. I mean kudos to her for wanting to establish herself as a serious actress and not just another 6 ft tall, beautiful, thin South African.  But let’s face it, she’s a tall, thin, gorgeous woman and sometimes that’s how America wants to see her! 

Can I also say that I LOVE Jason Bateman.  I mean, hello, why isn’t he in more stuff?  He is so funny but not in a Will Ferrall way.  He doesn’t have to run around butt ass naked, get hit in the head with a frying pan, or skate around in a leotard to get a laugh.  He just has something about him that’s so HIGHlarious.

Of Course my Will didn’t let me down either.  He is so cute in a good guy way.

My big 10 year reunion is coming up.  I honestly care not to believe that it has been 10 years since I didn’t realize what responsibility really meant, or wrinkles.  They both were just distant entities that only old people talked about.  And now, sadly, I talk about BOTH and so much more.  I cared way too much about what other people thought - those were the days where I would barely leave the house without lipstick now people at work are lucky if I shower and brush my hair.  Many things have changed, some for the good and some well, some without my consent. 

The attire is cocktail for the dinner on Saturday night so as I always do before a big event I went shopping on-line first to scope out my options and plan my attack.  I went to Nordstrom, Banana Republic, White House Black Market and Neimans.  I think I decided I will hit Banana first.  And not just because they size things WAY too big….come on now, me and the rest of the women in America are not stupid.  We know that just because the size 4 at Banana is 2 sizes too big doesn’t mean we have shrunk to a size 2 in the last 36 hours.  I think it’s a very SMART marketing game that Banana plays, where they simply put a size 4 tag on all of their size 6s an so on and  so on.  Nonetheless, they sure do know women because I know I will never be horrified in the dressing room only slightly delighted when I have to ask the sweet sales girl or boy for a smaller size.  Teehee, women are so easy to please. 

Anyway, here are some of the dresses that DID NOT make the cut:

This poor child looks a bit like a misplaced ballerina.  This dress would look even MORE ridiculous on a normal human being with some percentage of body fat and maybe not legs the length of the Amazon.  No, no grown woman I know should wear this dress to any event.  Unless of course it is Halloween and they are a ballerina, in which case go for it but don’t forget the body glitter.

This is the THING these days, big blousy pregnancy friendly shirts and dresses.  Which is fine…if you are pregnant or even a little bloated but if I am spending $770 on anything it had better make me look 20 pounds lighter and 10 times more beautiful.  This, I am afraid, does not cut the mustard.  In fact, I think it might do better as a skirt, and maybe a spaghetti strap black tank or go all Sharon Stone and put a crisp Gap white dress shirt with it.  The plus side would be, if I bought this dress I would have to wear it every day to justify the cost and that would allow me to eat whatever I wanted!  Wahooo!  (I think I hear Chad banning me from this purchase right now.)

LOVE IT, the only problem is a bright yellow cocktail dress can only be worn once.  Or multiple times at different locations with different crowds…and no photographs.

Again, LOVE IT, but for $1,025 Chad would make me run errands in it, clean house in it, and I would have to put on leggings and a tank underneath and wear it to work for 6 months straight.  Something tells me that it might lose its luster after a while.  But it is GORGEOUS…..if I were rich I would buy it and then promptly cease all carbs and sugar for at least 6 weeks.  So perhaps it’s not quite worth all that trouble.

Um, no. NONONONONO.  Animal print, skin tight, plunging neckline.  Unless you are cat woman, a hooker or Carmen Electra this dress is NOT for you.  And at $1,030 I think that only a certain sect of the population could afford it anyway and that sect is either:

1. Very wealthy older women with no desire to torture themselves and others with this frock
2. Very pretty younger women with sugar daddies, drug habits and high school degrees (maybe)

Good News!  I was finally able to get a copy of my lease terms and I had gone about my cancellation in the right way, so no auto-renewal!  I am very relieved and now I can sleep at night.  There was one person, no doubt a customer service rep, there that was helpful her name is Ashely.  So THANK YOu Ashley for putting my mind at ease!

Sunday Chad and I went bowling.  I felt like getting out and about and I actually enjoy bowling even though I am not very good.  Bowling falls into the category of unintentional exercise, my favorite kind.  The kind where you may not be huffing and puffing afterwards but the next day you wake up all sore in places you didn’t know could be sore (leave the crude jokes to me please).

Chad and I decided to have a little competitive encounter and rather than see who was the best at bowling we thought it best to keep it to who was the least worst….and YES I am sure that is correct grammar.  In one hour we played 3 games.  I won the first 2, but Chad won the last and racked up the highest score yet (in our little game, not in bowling worldwide).  I shall not mention our scores, only that I won twice and Chad won once.  And really, in the grand scheme of things it’s not about how much you won by, it’s just the fact that you won.  For all of you with kids write that life lesson down, it could come in handy one day.

And while I talk about our bowling experience I would be remiss in not painting a picture for you of the bowling alley itself, and its patrons.  Bowling alleys have been a long-standing American tradition.  Nothing says USA like rented shoes, fried food, beer and the good old middle class throwing their balls around for fun.  And although they have come a long way since 1955 they still retain much of their original charm.  Let’s start with the dim lighting, we arrived at 1:30 PM but once inside one would never know it, it felt more like 6:30 PM.  Then there is the black carpet spackled with lime green squiggly lines, so as to hide the grease smears and general foot traffic gook.  Luckily smoking has long since been banned but I could practically envision the clouds of smoke rising up from each lane.  Perhaps a gentleman with the name BUCK stitched on to this shirt leaving the cigarette in his mouth as he went for his next strike.  No sense in putting a good smoke down just to bowl a frame that would be amateur.

I am not a germaphobe, I’m really not, but there is something pretty unsanitary about sharing balls with strangers (Ok, now is not the time for an inappropriate joke).  Even if you wash your hands and scrub your ball down there is still the return device that just mixes up all the germs anyway.  So, being keenly aware of this eating a snack food while bowling seems out of the question.  However, the people next to us, a lovely older couple, must have been mentally and physically immune because they ordered popcorn.   I tried not to stare but I couldn’t help but cringe every time I saw them dig into the giant tub and then bowl a frame.  They mine as well have licked the lane itself and kissed the 25 other patrons before them.

Chad opted for a more formal meal – pizza.  I warned him that the French fries might be a safer bet but pizza it was (plus I would have snagged a few)!  It came, he tasted , and it quickly went….in the trash.  So I guess Main Event isn’t known worldwide for their gourmet pizza.  What do you expect!

The rest of the clientele seemed to be in the 15-19 age range.  I suppose a bowling alley isn’t such a bad place for teenagers to hang out, at least there is adult supervision.  But after an hour us two adults decided to leave. We had fun, it was something different and most importantly, I won.