Katastrophies & Other Important News

It’s Thursday night and I am exhausted.  Between work and working on the house I am just ready to be settled.  Tomorrow is the big day, the movers arrive between 7:00 and 9:00.  Don’t you just love the big windows that they give?  I wish I could give that kind of span for my job….”Uh yeah, I’m gonna be in between 8:00 and noon but probably closer to noon, but I will call you when I am 10 minutes away, mmmK.”  Along with the movers the carpet guys are finishing up with one room downstairs, the painters have about three hours left of touch ups and my uncle is finishing up on our hardware.  I think that about covers it, oh and Chad’s mom will be attempting to keep the dog under control.  I am pretty sure that if the sound of a car driving by makes the dog turn circles that all the activity tomorrow will just about send him over the edge.  At any rate I have high hopes for the overall success of the day.  Hopefully by 8:00 PM Chad and I will be unpacking our last box…..HA, yeah right.  Chad will spend four hours finding the perfect place for his framed jersey and signed football and I will be organizing all of my spices surrounded by full boxes.  We each have the tendency to get hyper focused on the details and ignore the madness around us.

It’s almost over though.  All the paint choosing, contractor coordinating and stressing will soon be over.  Well, at least it will make way for other forms of stress….like Chad and I arguing over lighting fixtures and rugs.  For the record, I always win, it just takes him time to concede.  But the longer we are married the shorter the time between him standing firm and giving in to my wishes!  Wahoo, go me!

YAWN.

Ok, not really, but almost.  It was just sort of blah last night, I even watched it twice but alas nothing interesting caught my eye the second time around either.  I do wonder why the crew didn’t go to Italy with Lauren.  Could it be that she was, gasp, actually WORKING there and didn’t have time to memorize a script and film several takes of her “normal” life?  Possibly, but I say there is a 85% chance that it will show up at the end of the season on “never before seen clips – Lauren goes to Italy” and I will be completely intrigued and watch it at least twice.

Lo and Audrina engaged in some painful bonding time, I am pretty sure they still aren’t the best of friends since Lo couldn’t WAIT to tell Lauren that Audrina talked to and later hung out with Speidi, OMG.  Stephanie decides to “drop by” the casa to share her dating news with Audrina, but really probably more or less to decide whether or not Lauren will ever speak to her again if she dates Doug.  It is beginning to seem a little bit like Lauren is the king pen for the LA mafia, like nobody dares to cross her lest they be ousted from the clan and symbolically cut off from the social life line.  I have to agree with Spencer on that one (make note, that will never happen again, unless he does in fact vote for McCain).

Audrina continues to hang out with the man with two first names, Justin Bobby.  And he continues to live up to his shtick, you know the bad boy, I don’t care, too cool, I wear dumb hats that say HOULIGAN on the brim (which I flip up) shtick.  Dear Audrina, JB is not boyfriend material.  He is destined to be someone’s dead beat baby daddy and that’s about it – just don’t let him be yours.

Stephanie has dinner with Doug, blah, blah, blah, blah, boring.  Oh wait, what WAS interesting was Brody’s mom.  Um HELLO DR. 90210!  Somebody has had some MAJOR work done, and I don’t mean on her home or automobile I mean on her mug.  That woman has bigger cheek bones than, um, I don’t know something with really big cheek bones.  Holy cow, I hope she appears on a few more episodes just so I can stare.

That about sums it up, not very interesting.  But that seems to be the running theme in my social life at the moment.  Since we are packing and moving and trying to save money we haven’t done much lately in the way of getting out and about with other people.  So this weekend I painted my nails 6 times, made 4 arts and crafts attempts but last night was the kicker. 

Chad thought I had lost my mind.  I was so goofy and full of energy that even the dog couldn’t keep up.  It was partly due to the 6 cups of coffee I had during the day.  I played hide and seek with the dog, behind the large flat screen TV box – for those of you dying of suspense he found me (twice).   I gave myself a hair makeover by donning 3 pig tails two on the side and one in the back – Chad was less than amused that I interrupted his football watching to show him my new look.  And I hid one of the dog’s toys under Chad’s pillow, it’s his CHICKEN and it makes this really loud obnoxious squeeker noise (Chad was only slightly amused but I giggled silently for about an hour at the thought of him discovering it when he came to bed at 2:30).  Oh and I also tossed golf balls into the cracks of earth where our yard has fallen and used the garden hose to try and evict the mice living in the cracks.  I had to catapult a dead one into the creek this weekend, he was missing a leg and oh so disgusting.  I can’t wait to move.

Speaking of expensive furniture, I watched The Rachel Zoe Project for the first time today.  On the first episode she decides that they need to replace their furniture of 2 years, which is why I said, “speaking of expensive furniture.”  Where as Chad and I spent the morning at IKEA Rachel and her husband walk into Fendi Home.  Uh yeah, no.  While I have no idea how much their furniture costs I do know that a Fendi handbag costs more than our bed, dresser and night stands put together.

After watching for a few minutes I decide that this is worse than The Hills in terms of the “um, like, OMG, totally, I could die right now, fab, shut it down, for sure” speech.  Not only that but the poor girl almost gets lost in all of her layers and giant sunglasses, she can’t weigh more than 90 pounds.  You can see every bone in her chest, that is, if she wears something that doesn’t cover every inch, surprisingly she doesn’t show much skin which is odd for California and especially anyone in the style industry.  In one scene she is complaining about her wrinkles, but she doesn’t realize that if she would just eat a hamburger every now and again hat her face would fill out instead of looking like tiny little creatures are hanging on at her jaw line tugging downwards.  She is a pretty lady but she looks extremely thin, painfully thin – drawn, hollow and eternally tired.  Besides, why go to all the trouble of being thin if you are just going to wear oversized , baggy clothing all the time?

Dear Rachel, I think the first step towards weight gain is to PUT DOWN THE VENTI STARBUCKS and pick up a chicken sandwich.  As it turns out woman cannot survive on caffeine alone and I have yet to see you without an extra large coffee in tow.

P.S. Chad had to be reprimanded last night while packing, for putting the toilet brush in a box with our guest towels.  Yes, I know that the brush is inside its handy little holder but it’s not vacuum sealed and you are throwing it in a box that’s too big so it will undoubtedly tip over during transit and spread the icky germs all over the place.  But thank you for trying you get an A for effort – just stay away from the master bathroom.

It’s Sunday and that means exactly what you think it means.  Football.  However, this morning we veered from our normal routine of a pre-football Starbucks run.  Instead we headed to IKEA to load up on some necessities, like food, water, and shelving units. They opened at 10:00 so Chad and I assumed that we would be almost alone arriving at 10:30 but don’t underestimate the power of IKEA, even on a Sunday morning.  The parking lot was surprisingly full but still nothing compared to a Saturday afternoon (that’s just shear madness).

Here is the thing about IKEA furniture. I have been to probably every modern furniture store in the metroplex in the past two weeks – Crate & Barrel, Pottery Barn, Restoration Hardware – you name it and I have either been or looked on line.  They are expensive and when I say expensive I mean that most of their pieces look EXACTLY the same as IKEA only $2,000 more.  Because let’s face it furniture from any of the above named locations is market up about 200% because the tag bears the name.  Now I know that IKEA may not carry real wood but ya know, it’s just more green not to kill trees for something as trivial as a dresser or a bed frame.  So my point is that Pottery Barn is overpriced and it looks almost the same as IKEA, and what’s more Pottery Barn furniture doesn’t come with a handy pen to erase imperfections and nicks.   The sad thing is I am perfectly aware that there are stores priced WAY above any of those stores, but  those that decide to spend $20,000 on a couch doesn’t realize that nobody can tell.  And darn it all, if I am spending over $100 on anything people had better be able to tell.

I haven’t written in a while – it has been a completely hectic couple of weeks.  We are packing, coordinating with contractors, dealing with surprise expenses, I have a cold, Chad’s company shut down yesterday and I found a bunny floating in our pool (and I don’t mean lounging sipping a fruity drink, I mean face down gonner kind of float).  I could probably think of a number of other things that have gone wrong in the last two weeks but I don’t want to be Debbie Downer, although it is a role I feel completely comfortable with.  I will be so relieved when we can get into the new house and out of the old.

You know the most painful type of expenses are the ones that are super costly and yet the results are less than noticeable – like a new set of tires, shoe inserts, or say, oh I don’t know, ALL NEW WINDOWS for your home.  Yep, $6K for all new windows because the existing had “popped” which means they were starting to fog and would continue to do so unless replaced.  Yesterday we went out to the house to take a look.  Hmmm, there is glass, it’s really clear, I guess, but other than that they look like….WINDOWS, plain old normal unexciting windows.  I can’t accessorize with them, sit on them or impress my guests with them, they are just windows and they aren’t even self cleaning.  They are, however, low E which means they are green and more energy efficient.  If we don’t see a vast improvement on our electric bill I am going to be super peeved.

I appear to be on a bit of a rant, sorry about that.  Wait, no I am not!  I have had a bad week and I want to share the love, or bitterness in this case.  Aren’t you glad? 

So what other bits of sunshine can I share?  Hmmmm.  I bruised my arm on the countertop last night.  We had to pay $150 to have a plug changed out at work for our new copier.  It looks like rain.  My throat hurts and I can’t breathe out of my left nostril.  And I am still feeling guilty about my chocolate shake dinner last night – my excuse was that my throat hurt and I didn’t want to eat anything else (it’s a valid excuse OK) but now I feel less than svelte.   Actually I think that about covers all of my good news for the week.  I am betting on things improving because I don’t think they can get worse – I mean I don’t even have my health and that’s what they always say when things are bad, “at least you have your health.”  Oh well, at least I have cute shoes.  That will be my new saying!

Chad and I had a lovely dinner at Sullivan’s on Friday.  We both had filet, mashed potatoes, salad and then I had asparagus and he had green beans and we split a bananas foster (YUM).  Before we sat down to our meal we enjoyed a cocktail at the bar.  Mostly because I rushed Chad out the door only for him to realize it was only 7:00 and our reservations were not until 8:00, and we were 15 minutes away.  What can I say, I hate to be late and it’s not as though we were busy.  So our lovely waitress, Candy or Bambie or whatever her name was served us up some cold ones.  Sullivan’s is a nice place so I guess I thought that their cocktail waitresses would dress as such, but not so much.  Is there some kind of rule that requires all liquor serving waitresses to wear low cut tops, short skirts and high heels?  Would my martini or glass of wine not taste just as good and arrive at the same time had our waitress been wearing a turtleneck and pants with sensible shoes?  I say YES but they, apparently, say “Um like whatever.”  It’s a little disconcerting that in this day and age a young woman can’t make decent money by simply being a good server with a nice personality and table side manner.  I certainly didn’t see any of the men servers sporting tight shirts and pants, not that I wanted to but I am just saying it’s wrong!

P.S. I saw a girl at Nordstrom this week who had on her Hooters Uniform with a summer dress over it, as if nobody is going to spot her shiny tights and white high tops from 50 miles away.  No need for the dress honey, be proud of your profession let your orange shorts show and bask in their orange glow!

P.P.S. Pay no attention to the constant rhyming in this blog, it’s just a coincidence and was not intentional.

P.P.P.S. Guess what we got this weekend – a new flat screen for the man room.  It’s our anniversary gift to each other. At least that’s what Chad told me.  He also told me that I love doing the dishes and folding his underwear.  Hmm, although this seems odd for me I suppose I should trust him, after all he is my husband.

This coming Monday is our one year wedding anniversary.  I can’t even believe it.  Time has flown by – I guess it tends to do that when you are busy folding 105 pairs of athletic socks and throwing away empty Gatorade bottles….not to mention cleaning up dog poop (which has less to do with Chad and more to do with the dog Chad came with).  A lot has happened this year, good, bad and even bad to good:

1.   The day we returned from our blissful honeymoon I became aware of the fact that I would be in charge of unpacking all of our gifts and writing thank you notes and Chad would be VP in charge of Football watching – it’s a rough job but someone had to do it.

(but how could I be mad, look at that face)

2.  Our perfect little starter home began to fall off the earth and our picturesque backyard began inching away from us one day at a time – on the up side the dog had his backyard expanded by at least 40 ft but the neighbors were less than pleased about the little Chewy gifts.

3.  3-4 birds had their last moments on this earth on our roof, RIP you blessed creatures.

4.  Chad found a snake skin the length of his leg and promptly refused to ever go in the attic again….but insisted on keeping the stupid skin for months until I made him throw it away and stop showing all of our guests, “Hi we are so glad to have you to dinner, check out our snake skin!”

5.  I was only asked 325 times when we want to start having kids, not so bad for the first year.

6.  And only 295 of those people responded with a look of bewilderment when I told them we weren’t going to have children……don’t worry it’s the same face I get when I see a woman and her 6 children at the grocery store.

7.  We celebrated Chewy’s 11^th birthday – Gigi is convinced he will be the oldest living Miniature Pincher on earth.

8.  We floated the river in Austin with friends.

9.  Celebrated the birth of Sophia Kate (Gigi’s and Eric’s little girl)

10.              And finally, at the last minute we purchased our 2^nd home in a little over a year. But it’s wonderful and beautiful and it has a pool (my dream come true)….and the best part is I get to share it with the man of my dreams – it’s Chad just in case anyone was confused.

(aren’t we cute?)

Ok so I just read another scathing report about Sarah Palin.  Oh wait, I mean about Sarah Palin’s kids.  You know, because they are running for VP and all.  I can’t help but think that if the democratic nominee’s daughter was pregnant and if their son had supposedly used drugs that they would be promoted as a national hero in the press.  You know, “Democratic nominee overcomes stress of teen pregnancy and deals candidly with son’s social drug use.”  I can see it now.  But the press is not run by the republican party, not anymore at least – I mean I am sure that at one time it was, back in the 1800s or something when people had morals (oh wait did I just type that out loud).  Kidding, I am pretty conscious of the fact that politics is politics and it would take a miracle to find someone in the business without a personal agenda.  I am not a blind republican or a bleeding heart liberal.  I am probably a healthy mix – blind and bleeding (nice).  I do, however, find it irritating when someone gets torn to shreds for having a pretty NORMAL AVERAGE American family, you know with actual issues and not just some picture perfect Connecticut dwelling, Land Rover driving, boarding school attending family.  If Sarah Palin were the democratic nominee for VP she would be getting major props for having experience in:

1. teen pregnancy
2. the war on drugs
3. special needs children
4. idiot brother in-laws (wait, scratch that, there is no proof – yet)

But she isn’t so instead she is being picked apart for 1-4.  Sometimes it seems as though the democrats are those annoying kids in school who want to be able to do whatever they want and then extend their arm out as far as possible and shake their pointer fingers wildly at the kids who get good grades and follow rules but slip up and get pregnant or get caught smoking cigarettes at school on their very first try.  As if they get great pleasure out of anyone who endures hardship.  Not sure if that makes any sense but it sure does in my head – you guys are totally welcome there anytime by the way.  I give hourly tours, they are short, about 5 minutes.  And they are only $1, plus tax of course, which will be going up shortly to pay for services that you don’t agree with, use or really know about but that that the democrats want to governmentally sponsor nonetheless.  Down with capitalism!  Let’s all be equally broke.

P.S.  Just kidding, sort of, I do think that we should live in a society where we support one another and take care of the “have-nots” to a degree – a society like Disneyland or Fantasy Island or something idealistic like that.

P.P.S Healthcare seriously does need to be reformed, no joke, I just don’t know what the answer is….but I do know it’s not to continue down the same path.

So I am not sure where I was or what I was doing when they announced that there would be a Hills episode on Sunday night.  Perhaps I was reading a book or writing my own novel or more likely I was probably just distracted by Spencer’s facial hair.  At any rate I was surfing through my TIVO this evening looking for a John and Kate Plus Eight episode to help me bide my time until The Hills when I saw it – an episode from YESTERDAY.  Yesterday?  That couldn’t be right, wait, what day was it?  I was pretty sure it was Monday, I mean, after all I did go to the grocery store and I was unusually tired both characteristics of a Monday.  Yep, it was Monday which meant I just totally missed it.  Whew!  Thank goodness for TIVO.

And while I will not admit this if you ask me I watched it right then and there and then I watched it AGAIN at 8:30 before the new episode.  As always I caught things that I didn’t see the first time.  For instance, Spencer shaved!  It’s a miracle, he must read my blog, that’s the only explanation.  Unfortunately it turns out that the facial hair was not making him look like a tool bag – he is making himself look like a tool bag, facial hair or not.  Sorry Spencer, it was just a theory and you have proved me wrong.  Oh, I also figured out what it is about Stephanie that it a little off – she wears entirely too much makeup, at all times.  She just needs to tone it down a notch and go with that natural California girl thing.

In the Sunday night episode the gang all go to Vegas for Frankie’s birthday, oh yeah I forgot about the barely mentionable best friend of Brody, how much does he get per episode again (Perez)?  But I see a serious flaw in the MTV script – Doug has a jet.  Um, I seriously doubt that some minor league baseball player (an injured one mind you) can afford a private jet and a house in the Hills.  Unless mommy and daddy are Uber, Uber rich – in which case it’s probably their jet and not his.  Nice try MTV, you almost had me.

The only other mentionable moment in the Vegas episode was when Heidi told her sister that there was no need to feel “immediate urgency” to move out.  Gee Heidi, thanks I wasn’t sure what urgency meant but when you pair it with “immediate” it’s like saying “urgency, urgency.”  You know, since they mean pretty much the same thing – she’s like a walking thesaurus that girl.  Speaking of Heidi’s sister, she has not grown on me yet, but I am looking forward to some serious drama.  P.S. How miserable do Heidi and Spencer seem?  I mean, I want to break up for them because it’s so hard to watch.  I sort of think they don’t even live together.

So skip to tonight’s episode.  Honestly the only part I can recall at this point is the cry fest between Lauren and Audrina.  It was, um, sort of painful.  For an actress wanna be Audrina was disappointing but Lauren did a nice job.  I wonder how many takes to get the single mascara laced tear…wipe that shiznat (so not a bad word) off Lauren, come on now and get it together.  But then of course it wouldn’t be a pretty cry, she would have looked like the rest of us do when we cry – a snotty, sweaty, smeared mess.

P.P.S. OMG, I just had a thought – where is the dog?  Lauren and Lo got a dog a few episodes ago, or was it last season, but it hasn’t been seen since.  Lo did make mention of the dog at Audrina’s party but he hasn’t had any face time with camera.  Please if anyone has information about the well being of the dog let me know, I am suddenly worried and I may lose some sleep tonight.

So I am not sure where I was or what I was doing when they announced that there would be a Hills episode on Sunday night.  Perhaps I was reading a book or writing my own novel or more likely I was probably just distracted by Spencer’s facial hair.  At any rate I was surfing through my TIVO this evening looking for a John and Kate Plus Eight episode to help me bide my time until The Hills when I saw it – an episode from YESTERDAY.  Yesterday?  That couldn’t be right, wait, what day was it?  I was pretty sure it was Monday, I mean, after all I did go to the grocery store and I was unusually tired both characteristics of a Monday.  Yep, it was Monday which meant I just totally missed it.  Whew!  Thank goodness for TIVO.

And while I will not admit this if you ask me again I watched it right then and there and then I watched it AGAIN at 8:30 before the new episode.  As always I caught things that I didn’t see the first time.  For instance, Spencer shaved!  It’s a miracle, he must read my blog, that’s the only explanation.  Unfortunately it turns out that the facial hair was not making him look like a tool bag – he is making himself look like a tool bag, facial hair or not.  Sorry Spencer, it just a theory and you have proved me wrong.  Oh, I also figured out what it is about Stephanie that it a little off – she wears entirely too much makeup, at all times.  She just needs to tone it down a notch and go with that natural California girl thing.

In the Sunday night episode the gang all go to Vegas for Frankie’s birthday, oh yeah I forgot about the barely mentionable best friend of Brody, how much does he get per episode again (Perez)?  But I see a serious flaw in the MTV script – Doug has a jet.  Um, I seriously doubt that some minor league baseball player (an injured one mind you) can afford a private jet and a house in the Hills.  Unless mommy and daddy are Uber, Uber rich – in which case it’s probably their jet and not his.  Nice try MTV, you almost had me.

The only other mentionable moment in the Vegas episode was when Heidi told her sister that there was no need to feel “immediate urgency” to move out.  Gee Heidi, thanks I wasn’t sure what urgency meant but when you pair it with “immediate” it’s like saying “urgency, urgency.”  You know, since they mean pretty much the same thing – she’s like a walking thesaurus that girl.  Speaking of Heidi’s sister, she has not grown on me yet, but I am looking forward to some serious drama.  P.S. How miserable do Heidi and Spencer seem?  I mean, I want to break up for them because it’s no hard to watch.  I sort of think they don’t even live together.

So skip to tonight’s episode.  Honestly the only part I can recall at this point is the cry fest between Lauren and Audrina.  It was, um, sort of painful.  For an actress wanna be Audrina was disappointing but Lauren did a nice job.  I wonder how many takes to get the single mascara laced tear…wipe that $hit off Lauren come on now.  But then of course it wouldn’t be a pretty cry, she would have looked like the rest of us do when we cry – a snotty, sweaty, smeared mess.

P.P.S. OMG, I just had a thought – where is the dog?  Lauren and Lo got a dog a few episodes ago, or was it last season, but it hasn’t been seen since.  Lo did make mention of the dog at Audrina’s party but he hasn’t had any face time with camera.  Please if anyone has information about the well being of the dog let me know, I am suddenly worried and I may lose some sleep tonight.

So I am not sure where I was or what I was doing when they announced that there would be a Hills episode on Sunday night.  Perhaps I was reading a book or writing my own novel or more likely I was probably just distracted by Spencer’s facial hair.  At any rate I was surfing through my TIVO this evening looking for a John and Kate Plus Eight episode to help me bide my time until The Hills when I saw it – an episode from YESTERDAY.  Yesterday?  That couldn’t be right, wait, what day was it?  I was pretty sure it was Monday, I mean, after all I did go to the grocery store and I was unusually tired both characteristics of a Monday.  Yep, it was Monday which meant I just totally missed it.  Whew!  Thank goodness for TIVO.

And while I will not admit this if you ask me again I watched it right then and there and then I watched it AGAIN at 8:30 before the new episode.  As always I caught things that I didn’t see the first time.  For instance, Spencer shaved!  It’s a miracle, he must read my blog, that’s the only explanation.  Unfortunately it turns out that the facial hair was not making him look like a tool bag – he is making himself look like a tool bag, facial hair or not.  Sorry Spencer, it just a theory and you have proved me wrong.  Oh, I also figured out what it is about Stephanie that it a little off – she wears entirely too much makeup, at all times.  She just needs to tone it down a notch and go with that natural California girl thing.

In the Sunday night episode the gang all go to Vegas for Frankie’s birthday, oh yeah I forgot about the barely mentionable best friend of Brody, how much does he get per episode again (Perez)?  But I see a serious flaw in the MTV script – Doug has a jet.  Um, I seriously doubt that some minor league baseball player (an injured one mind you) can afford a private jet and a house in the Hills.  Unless mommy and daddy are Uber, Uber rich – in which case it’s probably their jet and not his.  Nice try MTV, you almost had me.

The only other mentionable moment in the Vegas episode was when Heidi told her sister that there was no need to feel “immediate urgency” to move out.  Gee Heidi, thanks I wasn’t sure what urgency meant but when you pair it with “immediate” it’s like saying “urgency, urgency.”  You know, since they mean pretty much the same thing – she’s like a walking thesaurus that girl.  Speaking of Heidi’s sister, she has not grown on me yet, but I am looking forward to some serious drama.  P.S. How miserable do Heidi and Spencer seem?  I mean, I want to break up for them because it’s no hard to watch.  I sort of think they don’t even live together.

So skip to tonight’s episode.  Honestly the only part I can recall at this point is the cry fest between Lauren and Audrina.  It was, um, sort of painful.  For an actress wanna be Audrina was disappointing but Lauren did a nice job.  I wonder how many takes to get the single mascara laced tear…wipe that $hit off Lauren come on now.  But then of course it wouldn’t be a pretty cry, she would have looked like the rest of us do when we cry – a snotty, sweaty, smeared mess.

P.P.S. OMG, I just had a thought – where is the dog?  Lauren and Lo got a dog a few episodes ago, or was it last season, but it hasn’t been seen since.  Lo did make mention of the dog at Audrina’s party but he hasn’t had any face time with camera.  Please if anyone has information about the well being of the dog let me know, I am suddenly worried and I may lose some sleep tonight.

So I am not sure where I was or what I was doing when they announced that there would be a Hills episode on Sunday night.  Perhaps I was reading a book or writing my own novel or more likely I was probably just distracted by Spencer’s facial hair.  At any rate I was surfing through my TIVO this evening looking for a John and Kate Plus Eight episode to help me bide my time until The Hills when I saw it – an episode from YESTERDAY.  Yesterday?  That couldn’t be right, wait, what day was it?  I was pretty sure it was Monday, I mean, after all I did go to the grocery store and I was unusually tired both characteristics of a Monday.  Yep, it was Monday which meant I just totally missed it.  Whew!  Thank goodness for TIVO.

And while I will not admit this if you ask me again I watched it right then and there and then I watched it AGAIN at 8:30 before the new episode.  As always I caught things that I didn’t see the first time.  For instance, Spencer shaved!  It’s a miracle, he must read my blog, that’s the only explanation.  Unfortunately it turns out that the facial hair was not making him look like a tool bag – he is making himself look like a tool bag, facial hair or not.  Sorry Spencer, it just a theory and you have proved me wrong.  Oh, I also figured out what it is about Stephanie that it a little off – she wears entirely too much makeup, at all times.  She just needs to tone it down a notch and go with that natural California girl thing.

In the Sunday night episode the gang all go to Vegas for Frankie’s birthday, oh yeah I forgot about the barely mentionable best friend of Brody, how much does he get per episode again (Perez)?  But I see a serious flaw in the MTV script – Doug has a jet.  Um, I seriously doubt that some minor league baseball player (an injured one mind you) can afford a private jet and a house in the Hills.  Unless mommy and daddy are Uber, Uber rich – in which case it’s probably their jet and not his.  Nice try MTV, you almost had me.

The only other mentionable moment in the Vegas episode was when Heidi told her sister that there was no need to feel “immediate urgency” to move out.  Gee Heidi, thanks I wasn’t sure what urgency meant but when you pair it with “immediate” it’s like saying “urgency, urgency.”  You know, since they mean pretty much the same thing – she’s like a walking thesaurus that girl.  Speaking of Heidi’s sister, she has not grown on me yet, but I am looking forward to some serious drama.  P.S. How miserable do Heidi and Spencer seem?  I mean, I want to break up for them because it’s no hard to watch.  I sort of think they don’t even live together.

So skip to tonight’s episode.  Honestly the only part I can recall at this point is the cry fest between Lauren and Audrina.  It was, um, sort of painful.  For an actress wanna be Audrina was disappointing but Lauren did a nice job.  I wonder how many takes to get the single mascara laced tear…wipe that $hit off Lauren come on now.  But then of course it wouldn’t be a pretty cry, she would have looked like the rest of us do when we cry – a snotty, sweaty, smeared mess.

P.P.S. OMG, I just had a thought – where is the dog?  Lauren and Lo got a dog a few episodes ago, or was it last season, but it hasn’t been seen since.  Lo did make mention of the dog at Audrina’s party but he hasn’t had any face time with camera.  Please if anyone has information about the well being of the dog let me know, I am suddenly worried and I may lose some sleep tonight.

So I am not sure where I was or what I was doing when they announced that there would be a Hills episode on Sunday night.  Perhaps I was reading a book or writing my own novel or more likely I was probably just distracted by Spencer’s facial hair.  At any rate I was surfing through my TIVO this evening looking for a John and Kate Plus Eight episode to help me bide my time until The Hills when I saw it – an episode from YESTERDAY.  Yesterday?  That couldn’t be right, wait, what day was it?  I was pretty sure it was Monday, I mean, after all I did go to the grocery store and I was unusually tired both characteristics of a Monday.  Yep, it was Monday which meant I just totally missed it.  Whew!  Thank goodness for TIVO.

And while I will not admit this if you ask me again I watched it right then and there and then I watched it AGAIN at 8:30 before the new episode.  As always I caught things that I didn’t see the first time.  For instance, Spencer shaved!  It’s a miracle, he must read my blog, that’s the only explanation.  Unfortunately it turns out that the facial hair was not making him look like a tool bag – he is making himself look like a tool bag, facial hair or not.  Sorry Spencer, it just a theory and you have proved me wrong.  Oh, I also figured out what it is about Stephanie that it a little off – she wears entirely too much makeup, at all times.  She just needs to tone it down a notch and go with that natural California girl thing.

In the Sunday night episode the gang all go to Vegas for Frankie’s birthday, oh yeah I forgot about the barely mentionable best friend of Brody, how much does he get per episode again (Perez)?  But I see a serious flaw in the MTV script – Doug has a jet.  Um, I seriously doubt that some minor league baseball player (an injured one mind you) can afford a private jet and a house in the Hills.  Unless mommy and daddy are Uber, Uber rich – in which case it’s probably their jet and not his.  Nice try MTV, you almost had me.

The only other mentionable moment in the Vegas episode was when Heidi told her sister that there was no need to feel “immediate urgency” to move out.  Gee Heidi, thanks I wasn’t sure what urgency meant but when you pair it with “immediate” it’s like saying “urgency, urgency.”  You know, since they mean pretty much the same thing – she’s like a walking thesaurus that girl.  Speaking of Heidi’s sister, she has not grown on me yet, but I am looking forward to some serious drama.  P.S. How miserable do Heidi and Spencer seem?  I mean, I want to break up for them because it’s no hard to watch.  I sort of think they don’t even live together.

So skip to tonight’s episode.  Honestly the only part I can recall at this point is the cry fest between Lauren and Audrina.  It was, um, sort of painful.  For an actress wanna be Audrina was disappointing but Lauren did a nice job.  I wonder how many takes to get the single mascara laced tear…wipe that $hit off Lauren come on now.  But then of course it wouldn’t be a pretty cry, she would have looked like the rest of us do when we cry – a snotty, sweaty, smeared mess.

P.P.S. OMG, I just had a thought – where is the dog?  Lauren and Lo got a dog a few episodes ago, or was it last season, but it hasn’t been seen since.  Lo did make mention of the dog at Audrina’s party but he hasn’t had any face time with camera.  Please if anyone has information about the well being of the dog let me know, I am suddenly worried and I may lose some sleep tonight.