Katastrophies & Other Important News

I hate to have to write this because it speaks ill of my most favoritess (real word, look it up) store in the whole world – Nordstrom.  Today I was in desperate need of some tops to pair with my new favorite winter wardrobe piece – leggings (hello expandable pants) – so I headed to the Brass Plum department of Nordstrom (BP equals junior’s department, meaning affordable).  I meandered my way through the section, picked up what I wanted to try on and then headed back to the dressing room.  There wasn’t an employee so I walked to the checkout desk where I grabbed a young girl’s attention (amazingly so in retrospect).  I asked politely if I could please have a dressing room.  Much to my dismay she did not say/do, “Oh yes, so sorry about that, absolutely just follow me!”  It was more like, “……….did you find what you were looking for today (in such a hushed tone that I barely heard her)?”  She flippantly opened up a dressing room for me and told me her name was Rachel.  WHATEVER, I thought, being blown off by an eight year old, please, like I care.  I rushed through all of my options (sometime you just know if it’s a yes or a no and today was one of those days).  I would guess about 8 minutes later I walked back up to the very same front desk with my two purchase items.  Because I know these girls work off of commission I stood in front of Rachel and handed her my items.  “Was anyone helping you with these today?”  Seriously?  Did you just ask me that?  So I laughed and said, “Yes, you were.”  I know it’s hard to focus what with all that white noise going on inside your head and all but just try.  Rachel gave a condescending glance to her fellow infant employee, as if to say “What a moron why would I remember her, she isn’t Paris Hilton, Beyonce, or a reality TV star, duh.”  So I did what any self respecting nearly 30 year old would do.  I handed her my Nordstrom Visa card with a little bit of hatred, flashed my expensive watch, and dangled my beautiful wedding ring in her 17 year old smug little face.  I don’t know about her but I sure felt better! 

On any other day I could have chalked it up to jealousy on her part but, um, today was not one of those days being that I was sporting my leggings, Uggs, a t-shirt, running jacket, no makeup, and a dirty, dirty pony tail (and my glasses) so I kind of think she wasn’t jealous of my stunning look today.

I just had a brilliant idea.  Since we are about to enter a 4 year term of someone really concerned about the people, and change and hope and what not I think now would be a great time to implement my brilliant idea (one of many might I add).  I think the government should grant a one-time sum of money to any and all people who want to pursue a dream but can’t because they are too busy working to support their livelihood.  Once the money is granted that person has X amount of time to pursue their dream.  After X amount of time they then have X more amount of time to pay the government back using the income that they now have from pursuing their dream.  It may sound like a college grant or something but it’s not because not everyone needs to go to college to pursue their dream, and some have already been there and done that and still aren’t living their dream (this is in theory of course, I know not by experience).

What do you think?  I know, I can already hear you doubters (my fellow Republicans) but it would be nice, you know, in LALA Land where we would all accept the challenge gratefully and fulfill our dreams and pay the government  back.  I only bring this up because I find it quite difficult to pursue Katherine’s Dream while living the American Dream.  The American Dream involves so much work time, like 8 hours or more a day, and since it also includes a house there goes my weekend time because it’s spent keeping up the lawn (well, not me personally but Chad, although not lately), the housework and regular maintenance. 

P.S. This was our first trip to our new local movie theater, which is an AMC (verses the Cinemark near our old house).  I must say the accommodations were fine, the seating, the employees, the distance from our home but one thing was definitely off (a very important thing).  The popcorn topping was just not right – sort of like that one kid in your elementary class who wasn’t clinically special but something just wasn’t right about them and you couldn’t put your finger on it – probably because it wasn’t butter it was more like “schmutter” or something.  It didn’t even pretend to be butter it just said “topping.”  Topping?  Really?  Is that a real ingredient or spice?  Could I walk into Tom Thumb today and ask to be pointed to the aisle with topping?  I think not, and it was totally unacceptable.  However, this did not prevent me from eating most of it.

While I should probably be writing some blog about how thankful I am and how this time of year always makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, I’m not.  I mean, I am thankful I am just not going to write about it but I definitely don’t feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  The only thing fuzzy right now are my legs because I have been so incredibly busy that even shower time is rush, rush, rush…sorry Chad, but at least I’m not sporting any shorts right about now (or ever, I hate wearing shorts, they are uncomfortable, and when I sit down my whole upper thigh just sort of smushes in the most unflattering way. I am sure some squats, lunges or going to the gym at all would probably remedy that but that’s totally beside the point).

So where was I….oh yeah, I am so busy that I have even completely veered off of my very strict eating schedule.  Normal day:

7:30 AM coffee and oatmeal

10:30 AM wonder why it isn’t 11:00 yet and wonder if anyone would make snide remarks if I popped in my Lean Cuisine a little early (which they would and have)

11:00 AM eat lunch

12:00 PM review my lunch choice and decide whether a reward of candy is in order or not (which it usually is)

3:30 PM usually eat another handful of candy such as gummies or hot tamales and decide that they do not count in my grand caloric total of the day, since I hear junk food is empty calories and to me empty means zero, nada, nothing.

5:00 PM arrive home and quickly change so I can prepare my dinner, unless of course I am cooking for Chad who usually informs me that he had a late lunch of Wing Stop or Wendys and would rather not eat until later.  This usually causes me to panic and wonder how I can wait any longer so to ease my fears I decide a nice glass of wine is in order.

7:00 PM after dinner more calorie free candy to end my day!

But lately, as I said, things have not been so leisurely:

6:30 AM eat almonds in the car on the way to work because I know that eating once I get to work is out of the question so in order to avoid starvation, fainting or certain grumpiness I keep a can of nuts in my car now (while this may seem like a great opportunity for a dirty remark, it actually isn’t)

1:00 PM wonder how it got so late and quickly prepare either a Lean Cuisine or run to the deli to grab something

3:00 PM out of pure desperation grab any and all candy in sight and repeat to myself that it’s better than nothing

7:00 PM apologize to the cleaning crew for being in their way while I down tick tacks and chew gum to tide me over

8:00 PM consider skipping dinner altogether but decide that a bowl of cereal would be a better choice

So you can only imagine that poor Chad has been living with a grumpy zombie lately.  The worst part is I get so amped up at work because there is so much to do that I can’t wind down so around midnight (normal bedtime is 9:30) Chad actually forces me to go to bed.  Aren’t I too old to be told when to go to bed?  At any rate he is right.  12:00 AM is way too late to go to bed when you get up at 5:20 AM, and you AREN’T 19 anymore, in college and can just sleep through work.  I am looking forward to 2009 even though I will be turning 30.  Only like 11 more months until I leave my 20’s behind me.

I must give Lauren and Audrina 4 stars for their amazing performances this evening.  I suppose a few seasons have done their acting chops good and I actually believed that they were crying.  Way to go ladies.

Less believable was Holly Montag just dropping by Heidi and Spencer’s apartment.  Hmmm, ever heard of a cell phone Holly?  It would work sort of like this, “Hey Heidi, it’s Holly, are you at home?  No, you’re not because it’s the middle of the day and you are at work which means that your loser boyfriend probably IS home so why would I want to drop by?  Oh, ok, then I will just randomly show up at your work instead, see you soon.”  See, you could have saved yourself that whole awkward and rude exchange with passive aggressive man.

As far as Lauren and Justin’s supposed hook up.  I wouldn’t put anything past two people who have that much animosity towards one another and who may or may not have had a lot to drink.  You just never know the point where disgust turns to passion and liquid courage turns to drunken stupidity, it’s a fine line my friend….a fine line.

I have to side with Team Audrina on this one.  Not because I absolutely believe that Lauren is guilty but mostly because if Lauren were Audrina she would have her doubts too.  I mean Justin disappears for days at a time (as previously noted in last week’s episode) and he feels the need to wear a hood and a hat in California weather.  Never trust a man who over accessorizes or double layers his head gear in 80 degree weather.  It’s just not right.

Oh, Oh, and lest I not mention the news of the day – Speidi eloped. Yeah well, all I have to say is if I were a friend (either one of them) I would probably wait the acceptable 1 year before sending a gift just in case things don’t work out.  I mean, I would be royally pissed if I were to see Spencer making toast at 2:00 PM on a Tuesday with MY toaster gift if they end up not making it.  You know, not that I think they will fail.  They have all the makings of a life long marriage:

1. She hasn’t given into the Hollywood stereotype of a nose job and fake boobs.  Wait.  Well, at least I don’t think she wears colored contacts and that’s probably her real hair too (she does have good hair, damn her).
2. He is kind, sensitive and caring and embraces all of her friends and family
3. They are on reality TV show together (HELLO, Newlyweds was great while it lasted but so, so sad when it ended).

Just lightly sauté 1-3, bring to a boil, let simmer and there you have it – a recipe for success!

“I’m smart!”

Blushing bride? Or booty grinding hussy?  Not sure, your thoughts?  At least he is holding her drink while she shakes her rear end in his crotch, what a gentlemen.

P.S.  Something very scary is happening in the man room.  Chad is combing through old Fantasy Football notebooks compiling scores and looking through stats to see if Josh Nelson does in fact have the highest scoring team in league history this year.  I see 10 notebooks but everything after that is on-line so I fear that I could be kicked off of the computer at any moment.

Not only was I born and raised in Texas but my entire mother’s side of the family is from the deep south.  And I mean deep.  So my grandmother has a saying that she uses in various situations where she likes to say, “shame on ___” and it can be “you” or “him” or “her” or “them.”  And I think it’s appropriate for ME right now, so shame on ME.  Why?  Because I LOVE TRUE BLOOD and it’s a pretty, um, well, not quite channel Eight 6:00 PM show.  It’s so amazing and crazy and unique and suspenseful that I can’t get enough of it.  But as of tonight I am going to have to because the season is over, I think I have to wait until Summer of 2009 for another season and quite frankly that is not soon enough because I want more NOW.  Like a fat kid and Twinkies I need it!

You go girl Bill is hot, Vampire or not, half the men in bars are blood suckers anyway so what’s the difference!

As I am sure you have noticed (since you visit every day sometimes twice a day) I have not written anything in over a week.  To say that work has been busy would be like saying that this election year has been a little controversial.  For those of you immune to analogies that means things have been CRAZY NUTS.  So while I have written a hundred blogs in my head over the last few days none of them have made it to the WWW. 

This Friday we received a super great surprise!  Gigi won tickets to the Maverick’s game, 4^th row back from the floor so she invited Chad and I…oh yeah, and Eric her husband too.  For two years I have been lusting after Mav tickets but much to my dismay apparently when teams are doing really well tickets are out of this world expensive.  Now I must admit that part of my reason for wanting to go to a game is the unbelievable people watching.  Ok, that was a lie.  Almost all of the reason is the people watching and the overall experience.  But Chad actually wanted to watch the game.    And I would have too if it hadn’t been going on at the same time as the people watching.  Some of my favorite finds were:

1.       Of course the Maverick regular who sits courtside and wears a net on his head along with some crazy jumpsuit.  And I mean net, as in basketball net, not hair net.   Rich people, they can be as eccentric as they want I suppose.

2.      The totally unique Dallas blonde donning her Burberry scarf, one of many I am sure (Dallas blondes and Burberry scarves).

3.      The obnoxious fan in the souvenir shop who bought a hat she may or may not ever wear. Oh wait, that was me, and I might wear it, plus it was on sale.  And I wouldn’t have bought the hat if the dog jersey hadn’t been $30.  Excuse me $30 for tiny jersey that my dog will wear once or twice and hate every minute of?  I think not, “hat it is!”

But Gigi and I did spot something we decided we both need: Burberry tights.  Like actual tights with the infamous Burberry plaid.  But after a quick search on the web I have not been able to find them anywhere, boooo.  I did, however, realize that there are really only two items in the whole Burberry line that I can even think about affording – a headband and earmuffs.  And at $85 and $150 I would need to wear them every day and I think after a while my friends might start being “busy” if they thought an afternoon at the pool would involve my Burberry earmuffs.  So what do you think:

Yeah that’s kind of what I thought, maybe not the best investment in Dallas, TX but maybe if I lived in New York.  And maybe I would pay $195 for the umbrella if I lived in Seattle or LaLa Land, either one.

Well, that’s all I can muster up for today, I have lots to do.  Yesterday I threw up all of my Christmas decorations.  And when I say “threw up” you know what I meant, however, if we had been having a conversation and YOU had said it to me I would have made the finger gagging motion (play on words, I get some of my best material that way). 

P.S. Who decided to put Thanksgiving and Christmas right next to one another?  I mean, I am pretty sure that it has already come out that Jesus wasn’t actually born on December 25^th and the Pilgrims and Indians thing we could totally celebrate that say in April or even March.  It’s just that everything is so crammed together and all the stress seems to suck the spirit of each holiday right out, at least right out of me.  I am already pooped.

Apparently my readership doesn’t appreciate deep pontification about political and religious matters. Apparently they, meaning YOU, much prefer my rants about football, the dog, and my wonderful husband. So I say give the people what they want.
THE DOG
The dog has developed a high level of intelligence and if I believed in evolution, in the traditional sense, I would swear that he has evolved to be ½ human or at least ½ toddler. Sunday Chad made some popcorn, ate it in his man room (after all it was Sunday, duh) and then threw the remaining pieces and kernels in the trash can in the kitchen. Mind you this is no measly trash can, not some cheapo Wal-Mart special. It’s the Super Human brand, stainless steel and requires that you step on the foot pedal to open it. The kind we had to register for to warrant spending $100 on a trash can. But the dog has long since proved that he is above the Super Human, he mocks the trash can, laughs in its face and regularly dives into its bowels (Too graphic? Maybe a little but so true.). Anyhow, back to yesterday. The dog sat quietly by as Chad grabbed one last Coke from the fridge and headed upstairs, post popcorn dumping. Being that this wasn’t Chad’s first rodeo he was a little suspicious of the dog’s mute-like behavior so he waited until he was upstairs (but still had the dog in his line of vision). The dog looked from side to side, crept up to the trash can and began to nudge the lid with his nose. Then. Defeat. “CHEWY!” “What? Me? Huh? Daddy, I was just smelling, nothing more I promise!” Yeah right. The dog was so busted.
P.S. The whole reason we registered for that particular trash can was because of the dog’s affinity for trash diving. We foolishly thought the flip top lid would prevent us from finding an empty Lean Cuisine plate under the couch (I heart you Lean Cuisine). But to no avail.

The Husband

Here is a quick list of 5 reasons I hate (but love) my husband:

1.       He eats dessert at least once a day.  And I don’t mean a sweet tart or two, I am talking ice cream and cake.

2.       After # 1 he looks exactly the same and never has “fat” days.

3.       He can sit for an entire day and do nothing but watch his favorite shows (football).  Something I wish I had enough focus to do.

4.       He’s very convincing, just listening to him work from home selling home loans makes me want to refinance (he had to remind me that we just moved in).

5.       He puts up with me and all the crazy I bring.

PEREZ ARTICLE: The Mormons ARE To Blame!

“In this great article from The New York Times today, the paper of record explains how were it not for the hate-filled leaders of the Mormon church, the unfair Proposition 8 would NOT have passed in California, writing discrimination into the state constitution.

Perez has been to Sundance for the last three years in a row, but we will not be attending this year. And, we call on everyone in the entertainment industry to do the same.

Boycott Sundance!!!!!!!!!
Boycott Sundance!!!!!!!!!
We CAN NOT in good conscience support or give money to people that see us as second-class citizens.

Mormons were mainly responsible for taking away our rights!!!!!!”

So, I have been an avid “reader” of Perez Hilton for a few years.  Despite the fact that we have nothing in common and that fact that he can be incredibly cruel and liberal (not sure which is worse) I enjoy reading all the gossip.  This recent post (above) happens to strike me as well, ironic.  I am sure I will catch a lot of flack for this, and that’s ok because I think there needs to be more of each one of us being REAL rather than being REAL boring and in agreement with everything.  The fact is we all have beliefs.  And if you are too afraid to state yours vocally then I think that’s sad.  I would much rather have a riveting debate with someone about our differing opinions than talk to someone who is so scared of offending me that they can’t tell me what they really think.  I respect anyone that is convicted, about anything really.  Which doesn’t mean I agree with them I just appreciate the passion, because passion breeds action and if you truly believe in something then your goal should be to propel whatever it is into action.

That being said, here is the irony.  Most liberals and those who air on the side of political correctness say that we should accept everyone, love everyone, not judge and just let everyone be who they are.  So here is the perfect opportunity.  The Mormons believe that homosexuality is wrong.  They believe that, that is part of their religion, their culture.  They don’t necessarily hate or kill or want to harm gay people they simply cast their vote in the direction that would prevent gay people from being legally married.  But wait, that’s not ok?  Because we are supposed to accept, love and tolerate everything and everyone.  Oh but wait, if we are supposed to do that then how can we fault Mormons for having their own beliefs for standing up for those beliefs and for peaceably making those beliefs known?  We can’t, and by WE I mean the same people who preach tolerance, non-judgment and acceptance of all.

I could go on and on, I really could.  Here is my quam.  Have a darned opinion.  Believe in something, even if it’s not what I believe in.  And if we are both passionate about it then may the best man or woman win/debate/convince.  Don’t take away my freedom to say you are wrong and I won’t take away your freedom to disagree.  I mean, am I crazy?  Has everyone resorted to just existing and having nothing to say anymore?  How boring.

P.S. I am not Mormon I just play one on TV.

Heather Bakes gave me a good idea which she got from someone else, but who cares, from this point forward it is my idea since it’s on my blog which is all about ME!  The idea would be if you could write a letter to your former self, perhaps your college self or childhood self, what would you say.  Oh the length of this blog could go on and on but I will try to keep it concise.

Dear Katherine,

  This is your older and much wiser self, and surprisingly, despite all the tanning you have done, the much better looking self (hooray for baby fat cheeks going bye, bye).  There are just a few things I would advise you on, and in case you don’t know it now you will soon realize that lists make the world go round.  They help you organize and allow for much shorter funnier blogs (oh and blogs are like your current journal entries, only the world could possibly read them – they won’t but they could if they wanted).  Anyhow, here are the things that I wish you could know now:

1.       Despite what your professors say there ARE NOT practicing Sociologists in every field and finding a job will NOT be easy, go with something useful like business or fashion design.

2.      It’s true you really DON’T need algebra or any sort of math later in life all you need to own is a calculator! 

3.      PUT THE CREDIT CARD DOWN, and stop signing up for new ones just because you are offered some tacky free t-shirt which your older self will just throw away or use to dust with.

4.      There is life outside of Denton, Texas and higher quality men too.

5.      Enjoy being able to eat whatever you want and not gain an ounce or even think about it that ends about junior year so soak it up sista!

6.      Don’t smoke, it’s just gross and you won’t stick with it anyway so why even start.

7.      Set some damn goals, what’s taking you so long, what are you waiting for?  Do it now gahh, nobody is going to do it for you.  Oh and finding a cute top for Thursday night doesn’t count as a goal missy, think bigger than that.

8.      Buy ephedrine in bulk because they are going to outlaw it soon, so BUY NOW!  Heart attack schmeart attack, what do they know…..skinny jeans that’s what they don’t know!

9.      Despite your dire finance situation DO NOT I repeat DO NOT try to dye your hair yourself.  I have two words: orange and fried.

10. The right man WILL come along, just be patient and stop thinking it’s you….it’s not, it’s THEM.

I truly could go on but in the essence of all of your busy schedules I will just keep it at 10.  Oh, and I sort of also wish I wouldn’t have thrown away all of my Units clothing, I could be so hot and vintage right now.

P.S. Also, much younger and less wise Katherine, you will find 3 very awesome friends in college, and keep one you had all along, that you will have your whole life – Boones, Franzia and Yellow Tail……JUST KIDDING, you know who you are.

Working from home is great, Chad and I both are able to enjoy the benefits – him full time and me part time.  But there are drawbacks.  Such as the existence of two home phone lines.  Chad has his work line and I have mine.  Well, sort of.  I have a land line in case I need to make a conference call but really nobody calls me on that line so it’s solely to help telemarketers meet their daily call quotas.  The problem is around 8:00 Chad reaches his RING RING limit.  Not so much a problem for me or Chewy but more so for poor Juanita or Rose or Bob who happen to have reached the Ls on their list.  Let me give you a perfect example:

Ring Ring

Chad: Hello?

Innocent Telemarketer: Yes, is Mr. or Mrs. Lemons available

Chad: Did you want both of us at once or just one or the other?

Innocent Telemarketer: Um, I suppose just one.

Chad:  Oh ok, then this is Chad….and it’s Lemons like the fruit not Lemones.

Innocent Telemarketer: Sorry sir.  This is  _____ from ADP Security

Chad: Oh you mean the same ADP that called last week, the same ADP who I told we already used Brinks?

Innocent Telemarketer:Uhhh, I suppose so sir. Did you know that we were voted number one among security companies?

Chad: Number one among who? 4 out of 5 doctors?  Mechanics with weight problems?  Children under 5?  I mean what kind of group are we talking about here?

Innocent Telemarketer: Um, what?

Chad: Well, we are pretty secure right now.  In fact, if you were to break into my house right now the alarm would go off, my dog would bite you, I would shoot you and my wife would beat you with her high heel.

Innocent Telemarketer: Sir, is that a threat?

Chad: No not at all I just want you to know that right now the only thing NOT secure is my phone line and I would like you to remedy that by NOT CALLING AGAIN.

Click.

Don’t worry Chad doesn’t give just anyone the special treatment only repeat offenders.  The rest voluntarily take us off the list.