Katastrophies & Other Important News

The weekend passed in a haze of frosting and birthdays, thank goodness for the nice weather yesterday so that I could walk off all of the weekend’s sins.  I spent most of Friday night making these:

 Chad listened patiently as I moaned about each one being difficult to work with and then he ewed and awed when I presented the finished product – what a good husband.  Post cupcake pop making I spent some quality time with Edward and Bella and then headed to bed.

Saturday was FREEZING and WINDY, two elements of a Saturday that I DON’T enjoy –what happened to sunny and 70?  But I met Heather and Brian at Starbucks to do a cupcake exchange – give me the cupcakes and nobody gets hurt.  We caught up on things and enjoyed a latte before I headed back home to prepare for Sophia’s BIG 1^st birthday! 

It was a glorious event, enough pink and brown to make your head spin and Sophia was dressed to the nines:

(Sophia tried not to act too over the top when she opened her cupcake t-shirt from Aunt Kate, and it probably helped that she was gnawing on her favorite gift of the day a new purse.)

She was worried that the tool around her ankles might be too much but I assured her that all “tool” rules are null and void on your first birthday. 

Chad and I were reluctant to leave the festivities but, alas, we had another party to get to across town.  Yeah, I know, we are really popular so it’s not rare that we are double booked – it’s just that normally it’s with Wii and Blockbuster night. 

From a 1^st birthday to a 30^th, oh my, what a difference.  I guess John refused to wear his special birthday outfit because I didn’t notice a single stitch of tool on him, oh well, I suppose it’s best reserved for those under 5 and female (or ballerinas).  And bless his heart; he didn’t even have a crown to wear.  Sophia’s crown was pink and brown with feather material at the bottom – too bad I didn’t think to bring it for John.  I think he would have liked that.  But even with the absence of festive attire and birthday crowns it was a good time!

Yesterday I met Jessica for some chill patio time at Glorias to catch up, the weather was so nice.  It felt like California year round or Texas 4 days a year……remind me again why we don’t live in California?  Oh yeah, that’s right, Chad and I would be scraping up enough cash for a studio apartment in a sketchy part of town rather than enjoying our 4 bedroom home in an established community.  Oh well, it’s still nice to visit. 

I finished off the day with an hour long walk in the neighborhood; one of my favorite new activities that I am sure will be RUINED by 108 degree temperatures in a few weeks.  Then I soaked in the hot tub, sipping on a green smoothie and reading a few pages of Eclipse (which I finished, sadly, last night).  I know what you are thinking – hot tubs, green smoothies, an addiction to a teenage book serious….I know, I am SO COOL but don’t be jealous it takes a lot of work to be this awesome.

P.S.

(She wasn’t thrilled about the crown, but she humored us.)

(Look Mom, I am a brooding super model.)

P.P.S. Did anyone notice my new header?  Chad insisted that it was time to remove the wedding photo (whatever) so I changed it to a picture of my FAVORITE THING – room service.

Well, due to unforeseen circumstances I had to take a Twilight break last night.  I just finished New Moon so it was probably good to get a day off so that I can extend the experience since there are only 2 more books left – although I just got Eclipse today and it’s 629 pages so I should be good until Sunday.

With my extra time I decided to catch up on all my shows.  First was the season finale of Jon and Kate Plus 8, and Heather was right, the All State plug was totally awkward and odd.  Jon seemed very uncomfortable with the whole thing.  And then The Real Housewives of NYC, which was good because now I have a new person to focus my displaced anger on – Kelly Bensimon.  I just have one word: YUCK.  I think she might have emotional problems (paranoia being one of them), she seems very unbalanced which might explain this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/03/09/kelly-bensimon-new-real-h_n_173278.html.  I think the combination of too much sun, not enough food and Botox has created a not so healthy glow around the retired model.  But mostly I think she just needs to keep in mind that nobody knew who she was before she joined the show.  So “lending her name” to anything would have meant less than nothing, she really should loosen up about that.  Hey, if someone wants to post my name on a charity invite – GO RIGHT AHEAD!  I’m just sayin.

The air was warm from the sun but the wind brought a certain chill with it.  The sun began to set behind our board on board fence (the subject of much admiration) and the time on the clock read 7:35.  I had just returned from my weekly jaunt to the grocery store to stock up on frozen pizzas, ice cream and other important dietary staples.  Chad had put in an unusual request this week – waffle mix.  You see, as a wedding gift we received a waffle maker.  At the time I considered it a necessity to my impending married life.  Like a good wife I utilized the waffle maker at least 4 times before I safely stored it away out of site.  Not that I don’t love waffles but the process is messy, the product full of calories and carbs and well, that’s about it, but what other excuses do I need?  But Chad curiously and hopefully asked if the tool still existed, “Um, yeah, I think so….why?” I responded hesitantly, fearing that I would be asked to slave over a hot iron all night.  He assured me that he would make them himself, and clean up.  Though I was doubtful I dutifully purchased the mix and the necessary eggs so that he could fulfill his craving.

Step One: Pour in oil – wait, but what kind of oil?  Olive oil?  Tanning oil?  Vegetable Oil?  Chad looked at me in desperation, hoping for direction.  I assured him that he could use vegetable or canola oil, either way he wouldn’t taste the difference.   He looked at me cynically with his eyes half open and threatened a call to his mother to confirm.  I was annoyed that he wouldn’t trust me, since I had made them quite successfully many times before.  I could see him making decisions in his head; I think his immediate need for sustenance overtook his doubtful nature.  Vegetable oil it was!

Step Two:  Pour in the mix.  I reminded him that he would need to use all of the mix that he made and just freeze the waffles he didn’t eat.  This somehow translated, for him, into: Make the whole box of mix.  This was, of course, my fault.  He angrily whisked the giant bowl of mix, mumbling something under his breath about being more clear next time. 

Step Three: Totally ignore wife’s suggestions about not pouring in too much mix and consequently curse the overflow as it runs onto the counter.  I tried to warn him as I watched anxiously but it was no use, he had to do it himself.

(I had to run upstairs when it was clean up time, I just couldn’t keep myself from assisting if I had to stand there and watch – there is no doubt some kind of ant, mouse or rodent enjoying the left overs right now.)

Step Four: Feed the entire neighborhood waffles, for the next two days.

(Please note that I did not even have one waffle, I enjoyed a Lean Cuisine while Chad slaved away.)

Until this recent waffle debacle Chad had only “made” one other food item, pre-cooked cheese tortellini.  He was so afraid to undercook them (please note pre-cooked status) that they practically fell apart in the pot and cheese spread throughout the boiling water before he could drain and eat.  I suspect that he may stick with heating frozen food items for a while before trying anything else new!

(Chewy was hyper focused on the leaning tower of carbs, no doubt still reeling from his adventure in bread eating on Saturday.)

This weekend was uber relaxing. We had a nice dinner on Friday night with John, Andrea and the yet to be introduced Isabella (still in Mommy’s tummy – just two more months!).

Saturday we awoke to the lovely sound of the dog hacking up a steak bone in the corner of the bedroom (incident numero uno). A few hours later when we left to run some errands we returned to see that Chewy had fallen off his Atkins diet and eaten ½ a loaf of bread…on our bed, nice. (numero dos). But onward and upward, so we stepped outside for a few hours to pull weeds and do some yard work. When we got back inside Chewy had left a present for Chad in his man room – poop. Some creatures are just givers, and that’s our Chewy, always thinking of others. When we tell him not to give us any crap, we mean it, literally.

Saturday night consisted of me purchasing Twilight on Direct TV PPV and watching it alone while Chad shouted upstairs at college basketball. Since I finished the first book and moved on to the second I figured I should watch the movie. I must say, overall, it was disappointing. But that didn’t keep me from watching it again on Sunday afternoon. Chad was shocked, and possibly a little jealous, since I never watch movies twice in a row. But while Robert Pattinson may or may not have had anything to do with the second showing, I really just wanted to give the flick another shot since I wasn’t too impressed. My overall rating (5 stars being the highest):

3 stars for plot development

1 star for clever placement of author in a scene

2 stars for sticking to the book

7 stars for leading male in a film

Average: 3.25 Stars

I am having a harder time with New Moon but still the obsession continues. I am one book away from plastering a movie poster on my ceiling over my bed – do you think Chad would mind? I mean, Kristen Stewart is pretty cute – right? Anyway, I pulled myself away from the book on Sunday for dinner at Chad’s family’s house. It was yummy, we had lemon soufflé for dessert; it was so light, so fluffy, so sweet (just like me, haha).

P.S. Sunday afternoon I went for a walk in the neighborhood and couldn’t help but chuckle at a group of 4 teenage boys standing outside their house smoking cigarettes looking all paranoid and guilty. Come on guys, smoking isn’t cool but even if it were you don’t make it look cool so just stop, please, before you caught and grounded from your Xbox and are forced to wash your own Spiderman underwear for a month.

Ok this is just wrong and creepy but I thought it was kind of funny.  Some people don’t translate well into plastic dolls.

I was one of “those” people, you know the ones that said, “I’m not buying that silly teen book.  I wouldn’t get hooked even if I did.”  And then….I bought the book.  So as it turns out I AM one of “those” people and Chad is now living with a 15 year old who gets all giggly and light headed when she reads the romantic descriptions of Edward kissing Bella along her jaw line.  (Oops, did I just say that out loud?)  Anyway, it doesn’t hurt that as I read I am picturing this:

Before my full on obsession with the book of course the above picture didn’t do much for me, just another Hollywood face….but now he is the face of Edward.

So if you think you aren’t one of “those” people you probably are, you just haven’t read the book yet.  Which I highly recommend; although you will find that things like work, showering and eating become more of an annoyance than anything else when they prevent you from reading the next tantalizing line.

Last night was quite productive. I came home, finished up my trial run for the cupcake pops:

(Yum, I didn’t know wine glasses were good for anything else but I figure cupcake pop holding is almost as good as wine holding.  And P.S. Heather warned me that her friend Kate said these were a pain to make, I had no idea.  But it’s all worth it for the extreme cuteness.)

Then I read 100 pages of Twilight, complained about having to clean, cleaned anyway, watched the finale of The City, got in bed, read more Twilight and fell asleep next to the little black dog. Chad – picked up Chick Fila for dinner, ate, watched a game of some sort, ran to Walgreens for candy, and proceeded to stay up late playing video games.

Anyone who knows me knows that I obsess over my nails and toenails.  Before having a real JOB and a normal schedule I used to spend a few times a week painting and repainting, now I am down to about once per week….the invention of Direct TV, Tivo and Wii have really curbed my obsession.  That is why I am so excited to report that Sally Hansen’s new Insta-Dry nail polish REALLY WORKS!

You see, one of the reasons I have spent so much time painting is that I am chronically impatient.  This means, I paint one coat, can’t wait for it to dry, paint another, then do a clear coat and then decide I should change the sheets or empty the dishwasher.  Bubbles, smudges and just when I think I am safe the dreaded dents become the bane of my nail existence.  And until now I just figured these things would have to remain a reality for me.  But I am here to testify that this product WORKS.  No smudges, no dents, no bubbles just neat clean and QUICK.

In other news, I spotted a new reality show on E.  It’s groundbreaking, exciting, creative and so real.  Are you ready?  It’s called (insert drum roll)……………..Hot Girls in Scary Places.  Yes, seriously.  I couldn’t stop giggling at the title, just think of the sequels:

1.   Hot Girls in Cold Places

2.   Hot Girls in Sunny Places

3.   Hot Girls in Illegal Places

The list goes on, I mean as long as you can find hot girls the cast options are endless too.

Feeling cruel I also decided to watch The Notebook yesterday.  And just as I knew I would I boohooed all the way through, in between staring at Ryan Gosling and eating Jelly Bellies, that is.  So you can see that Sunday was a busy day for me.  I did do laundry and attempt a baking project that, um, well is currently on hold…..does anyone have a tiny flower cookie cutter I could borrow?

Last season was the first time I met these lovely ladies of New York. I actually liked Luan, the Countess, and found her to be quite respectable and poised. But I realized last night that it was because she kept her mouth shut, this season she has decided to open her mouth and it has not proven to be a good thing.

RECAP: Al l of the ladies are involved in charity work, as any good socialite is. I mean you can only lunch, shop, drink and complain so much before you begin to feel like you should do something worthwhile. Luan’s charity of choice is the American Cancer Society, a great organization. She decides to make a meal for the patients and family members of Hope Lodge, a place for patients undergoing treatment in the area. Well, I say “she” but what I really mean is that she told Bethenny and Ramona to make the meal while she flitted around pretending to have class. Here comes the disgusting self-involved part. Ramona and Luan get in to an argument about Luan’s husband being an “older” man. Ramona has a big mouth but let’s be honest, he DOES look much older than her:

Handsome and distinguished, yes, her age – definitely NOT.

So anyhow, they start going at it and Luan is just SO OFFENDED. Meanwhile, one of the cancer patients who is skin and bones, with no hair and a ball cap on sits beside them in the kitchen just sort of watching. While these women engage in a cat fight about age and meaningless $hit this poor patient sits by on her death bed probably thinking, “These selfish bisnatches, who cares, I just hope I live to see my children or grandchildren grow up.” I mean how much more self-involved can you be than having a stupid argument in the middle of people fighting for their lives. Next time, Luan, do your charity a favor and just write a check.

And let me just say this, women with REAL class and manners do NOT go around talking about how much class and manners they posses. The same applies for money, those who truly have a lot do not need to talk about it or wear t-shirts that say GUCCI across the chest (TACKY). And that’s how I feel about that!

P.S. Um if you watched The City this week you probably sensed how staged the whole Olivia presentation was. I’m sure. That girl would NOT have trouble presenting in front of a table of people. LAME MTV, just LAME.

I have two words for you: Valentine’s Day.  Yep, these roses are from February 13^th actually, because Chad bought them a day in advance.  I am no math genius but according to my calculations that is like 25 days – for cut flowers. And look, they are even growing little vines or something.  Pretty cool.

And now, one word: Smoothie.  I often make smoothies for dinner because they are filling, yummy and healthy.  My recipe:

½ cup of plain yogurt

½ cut soy milk

½ cup of ice

3-4 frozen strawberries

3-4 frozen pieces of mango

1 banana

2 Splenda (ok, not so healthy but I still need a little something more to cut the plain yogurt taste)

Tonight after much coercion from my Uncle (the same one that convinced us to visit Venice Beach) I added a handful of fresh spinach.  I know some of you are thinking YUCK (like my husband) but you know what, I couldn’t even taste it.  And it didn’t turn green, I think because of all the other stuff in there.  But blended spinach (or any leafy green) retains almost all of the nutrients, whereas when eaten whole or cooked your body can’t absorb as much (Or something like that. Math expert yes, health expert no.). 

Do you like my vintage Alpha Phi cup from 2001?  Also, I have noticed lately that I use my blender for health smoothies about 2 times a week but the last time I blended a margarita or pina colada was almost 2 years ago.  I think it’s a sign of age.

Speaking of age, Chad had a mild epiphany over the weekend.  He has realized that he needs to eat better for things like heart health, cholesterol and arteries and stuff like that (not just weight).  So he told me yesterday, while I was making my grocery list, to please get him some healthy options.  Ok, like what?  “You know, like ice cream so I can make shakes and maybe go ahead and get some frozen pizzas just in case…oh and bananas so I can make peanut butter and banana sandwiches.”  Hmmm, so it appears that Chad’s version of healthy is my version of totally splurging.  But that’s ok, at least he is aware that the inside counts too, especially at our age!

Alright, one last bit of information before I retire for meaningless TV.  Last night I saw a very compelling ad for Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.  It looked so easy, so satisfying and so just what I have been looking for to combat the bane of my existence: soap scum on our glass shower doors.  I bought two kinds, one with Febreeze and one for extra tough stains.  Then I decided that to really test it thoroughly I would need be in the shower.  What could be better – showering and cleaning, if there had been a TV with The Hills playing I might have died and gone to Heaven.  Anyhow, I began the scrubbing process.  Nothing.  Not even any suds.  What the ____!  What kind of crap is this?  After several minutes of relentless scrubbing and evaluation I concluded that: THERE WAS NOTHING MAGICAL ABOUT THIS ERASER except that my $8 magically went down the drain with the 4 suds that were finally produced.  Back to the drawing board.  But let it be known that this consumer is reporting a big fat BOOOOOOOOOOOO for this product:

Confession:I have not blogged since Chad and I returned from California. But I have good reason; my Uncle has been in the hospital undergoing liver transplant number two. It has been an exhausting week. But you will be glad to know that all is well thus far, he is stable and awake which is a big triumph for a 12 hour risky surgery.

I haven’t pulled an all nighter in……um…hmmm….I really don’t know how long. The closest I got was a year ago when Sophia Kate was born, but that was only until like 3:00 AM. Tuesday night I was up the entire night until 12:30 PM the next day, when I finally laid down for a nap. Although I did get a few winks in the surgical waiting room until the cleaning crew decided to turn the lights on and sling their mop around me, motioning for me to please move my bag so they could get in the corner. OH I’M SORRY, I know your mopping is really critical and all but I have a loved one in the midst of a very serious operation and I am just trying to get a few moments of sleep. BUT DON’T MIND ME. Geeze. On my list of things I really don’t like I think hospitals are near the top, right next to roaches, roots (the kind that happen when you are a “natural” blonde, not those of trees), and meatloaf (and yes that includes all meatloaf even if yours is different and so not like meatloaf, it is still meatloaf – AKA a loaf of meat, yuck – sorry Cousin Jenni I know you are a fan).

Anyhow, the surgical waiting room was FIRST class compared to the ICU waiting room. Now, let me preface this by saying that the ICU waiting room has to be the worst place to have to spend weeks at a time in. And I truly feel for those that have to….because I could barely spend 2 minutes amongst all the sights, sounds and (oh gosh) the smells. Granted I would totally stock up on magazines, 100 calorie packs and fruit but some people take it to a whole new level. The level of BYOT – bring your own TV – complete with rabbit ears and the volume at capacity. I love you Oprah but not at volume 15 on some janky TV while I am trying NOT to smell the Chinese takeout next to me while cousin Billy Bob practically gives a play by play of his loved one’s current state. WHEW. It’s pretty depressing actually. People move in, with hanging clothes, pillows, blankets and public diaper changes. The last thing you need when you are stressed and anxious about your loved one is to feel like you are in a homeless shelter. Again, I know, I am a snob but at least I admit it.

I hoping for a do over this coming week, a much better one full of sleep and more good news about my Uncle.

P.S. Who authorized this time change?  Um, it’s seriously ticking me off.  It was cool when I was like 10 and it meant that summer nights were lighter longer (meaning more play time) but play time is over now – it’s work time all the time and my body is saying 10:00 but the clock is snidely screaming 11:00 – bastard.