Katastrophies & Other Important News

Last night was spent working out, going for a run/walk and catching up on some shows; but only the highest quality viewing material, such as:

• The Real Housewives of New Jersey
• The Hills
• Southland

Southland is really good, it stars the guy who played on the OC, which I never watched.   It’s a Chad friendly show, meaning he can watch it with me without gagging or rolling his eyes.  Which means it’s not reality TV and it’s not a girly program.

The Hills was , well, whatever.  I thought that Audrina’s tirade about people “talking crap ON her” was odd, I didn’t know it was possible to talk crap ON someone.  However, she is the Hollywood actress so she would know.

The Real Housewives was um, revealing.  I didn’t know they could say the P word on Bravo, and no I don’t mean pessimist.  I can’t wait until next week when they reveal the truth about Danielle.  She creeps me out.  She has more botox than a Scientology center in Beverly Hills.  And less class than a one room school house.  (ha, I got jokes, don’t be jealous)  Anyway, it’s apparent that Caroline is the only normal one and her sister and sister-in law are a close second, I guess.

It’s almost Friday ya’ll.  Raise your hand if you are excited (I am, I am)!  I think we are going to see Star Trek, do dinner for Beth’s birthday and I plan on fully taking advantage of our pool and the sunny weather.  Aren’t you just so intrigued by my plans?  Oh, and we might hit up a rave or two.  Or not.

It’s BOYP – bring your own pacifier.

Have you ever left a clothing store (perhaps a Nordstrom Rack, hypothetically speaking) and gone to pick up lunch at say, oh I don’t know, Corner Bakery and wondered where the glorious breeze in your pants was coming from?  And after ruling out the notion that your pants have ripped you realize that in fact your fly is open.  So you quickly make a B-Line for the restroom and hope nobody noticed…I mean, in theory.  Yeah, me either but if I had it would have been really embarrassing.  I sure that never happens to me (again).

Is anyone else feeling a huge void since all the big shows are on hiatus?  No more Greys or Idol and House Hunters seems to be a whole bunch of reruns lately.  At least I still have The Real Housewives, whew what a hot mess those girls are – especially Danielle, the slightly anorexic phone sex maven.  Oh and exciting news……..True Blood season 2 premiers on July 14^th!  If you haven’t watched now is the time, catch up on season 1.  It’s a guilty pleasure of mine, but don’t watch it with your kids….unless you are my parent’s age in which case your kids are probably my age (29ish, yet so young looking).

I need to watch the season premier of Jon and Kate but I just haven’t had the stomach for it yet.  It’s so sad, I can’t even really discuss at the moment.

 Well, it’s plain to see that my life is completely exciting and full of interesting news.

P.S. Can I just say how WRONG it is to be working out, sweating your butt on (in my case), when your husband walks his skinny self in with a bag of fries, nuggets and a giant milk shake.  It’s cruel actually.

Raise your hand if you are a bad blogger – I AM I AM! It’s true, I have been so lax lately. I have been distracted by the warm weather, sunshine, a workout schedule, work and various other totally valid and good excuses.

We had a big weekend:

Friday: Dinner at Glorias and rented the movie Taken, um, it was horrible. Well, not as bad as Knowing with Nicholas Cage but still bad.

Saturday: The Byron with Gigi, Eric and Sophia (and Chad of course). It was fun, but HOT. I am always perplexed by girls who wear 6 inch heels and super tight clothing to outdoor events that require lots of walking in the heat. I don’t get it? I mean, I get why you want to look all cute and hawt if you are trying to scam on guys or attract rich dudes but at the end of day you just end up looking like a sweaty, limping, desperate mess. And that, ladies, is never cute.

Then I cleaned house, grocery shopped, started the potato salad and finally sat down for 10 minutes before heading to bed at midnight…..meanwhile Chad went to the driving range (inspired by the Byron), took a dip in the pool, watched some TV, and then bought Transformers so he could watch it with the new surround sound he bought last weekend. I swear you would think he had the sweet end of the deal if you didn’t hear me ask him to straighten the covers every night, get me a drink of water (with Propel please), mow the lawn, pick up more dog food, scoop the poop, call the home warrant company about that thing in the bathroom, and unload the dishwasher.

It’s probably a draw.

Sunday: Memorial Day BBQ, first pool party of the season! Lots of fun! Monday: Laid out by the pool and then watched My Bloody Valentine with 3D glasses on, it made the gore “cool” rather than just gory and inappropriate. And I finally caught up on The Real Housewives of New Jersey – what a mess!

I love long weekends – I hate going back to work though. It’s extra rough.

P.S. Chad nabbed a photo of me in my bathing suit this weekend, that stinker:

(I wasn’t even smiling, since I was so unsuspecting.)

Quick Hills Replay:

Heidi: Oh, no, it looks like you had a bad day what happened?

Stephanie: OMG, yeah um I did.  So, I got fired.

Heidi: Oh no, that’s no good.

Stephanie: I know, Lauren fired me because Kelly is crazy.

Heidi: I’m so sorry…

Stephanie: Anyway, then I was at this bar hanging out with this band and the guitar player was totally cute.  And we were totally clicking. But then he dropped this gnarly bomb on me.

Heidi:  What?

Stephanie: He has a live in girlfriend!

So apparently getting fired was a bummer and all but not as much as finding out that some random guy has a girlfriend.  Nice.  Everyone has priorities I guess.

Have I mentioned lately how much I HATE working out?  Well, I do.  It’s hard, it takes an hour, it’s a sweaty experience and I want to die about half way through.  Other than that it’s peachy.

On the up side, Chewy and Chad have been helping out with chores.  Here they are helping me fold laundry:

And here is Chewy helping Chad change the sheets.  FYI, I don’t do bedding.  Not sure why but I don’t make the bed or change the sheets.  Probably because Chad is so skilled at both, I could never top him.

(Or should I say, here is Chewy laying on the pillows Chad tossed on the floor so that he could change the sheets – apparently he interrupted Chewy’s nap.)

Exciting news: The landscapers are coming!  The landscapers are coming!  This is exciting because there has been a slight jungle in this flower bed near the back of the yard for a while and all of our beautiful plants from last year have been a brown, barren sad mess since winter.  Unfortunately neither of us has been blessed with a green thumb.  So will just maintain what the landscapers do.

P.S. I finished Pretty in Plaid and I have now started on The Shack, I know, I am so behind the ball.  Everyone was talking about this book like a year ago, oh well, I still want to find out what all the hype is about.

P.P.S. Have you ever announced that guests will be arriving shortly at your home and seen your husband run to his “man” room to straighten up his TV remotes, empty candy packages and fold his Red Sox blanket?  I mean, forget the living room, kitchen and main living spaces – nobody will notice those once they see your three TVs and sports memorabilia.

Desperate for something crunchy yesterday I headed to Sprouts in search of gluten free chips or crackers or shoot, paper, I really didn’t care as long as it made me feel like I was snacking. Luckily they had lots of options and I was able to get some chips and some crackers, both made from rice.

These are the crackers!

I also got some schmookies, which are similar to real cookies only not so much. Ian’s Cookie Buttons tasted stale although the actual flavor was good. I will probably eat them eventually in a moment of weakness or starvation but I am going to keep my eye out for some other types of schmookies. Got any suggestions?

These are the schmookies, I am probably a little too old to be eating anything with a weasel on the front anyway.

So who was surprised about last nights’ Idol results? I WAS, I WAS! And in a good way, I thought for sure Danny was going to more forward and although I like him I wanted Kris to win. My Uncle made a good point today, while Adam is the superstar all the people that were voting for Danny would be more likely to vote for Kris than Adam (just because of their different styles). So Kris could very well win! I hope so, I would never pay to listen to Adam he is just not for me.

P.S. It’s really hard to focus on perfect form sit ups when all you can smell is stanky dog breath.  Why?  Because the dog is standing over you with his mouth an inch from your nose.  I mean, that has never happened to me but it could.

This is Chewy doing his Yoga Shake, it’s a new move, only the latest studios are teaching it and he is going on tour soon and is in the middle of a workout video deal.  He is very popular in Germany, he and The Hoff both.

Monday night I went to a book signing/reading with friends.  If you have not discovered Jen Lancaster yet, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?  Start with Bitter is The New Black and work your way to her latest, Pretty in Plaid.  You will laugh and you will cry – because you are laughing so hard.  Jen is just as funny and charming in person as she is in her writing.  So what are you waiting for – get thee to a Barnes and Noble.

I Heart You Jen!

American Idol Thoughts and Opinions: I want Chris to go through, I really enjoy his renditions of songs, especially last night.  Danny is nice but very predictable.  Adam is a force to be reckoned with, even if I don’t care for his style (singing and clothing).  But I think there are too many Danny fans to allow poor Chris a chance.

The Hill’s Thoughts and Opinions:  Yawn….I think Justin Bobby is back on drugs. 

I made the decision last week to go gluten free, which essentially equates to: I have no more joy in my life whatsoever (at least in the realm of food).  Why such drastic measures?  Actually it’s not for diet reasons but digestive reasons, I won’t go in to detail (unless I get overwhelming feedback to do so) but I think I might be sensitive to gluten (which is wheat….which is in EVERYTHING).  So basically I *can eat meat, veggies, fruit, chocolate, cheese and, um, hmmm, well that’s about it……OH, and I can eat my precious Jelly Bellies THANK GOODNESS!  My cousin Jenni is a gluten expert and she sent me a short list of what contains gluten:

• Wheat
• Barley
• Carmel Coloring (it’s in more than you think)
• flour
• food starch
• oats
• rye
• rice

Read your food labels tonight people and just tell me how many things you find with the above ingredients.  I can’t even eat my soy patties anymore. 

RIP chips/salsa, bread (even Ezekial), Twizzlers, cupcakes, cake, pie crust (not that I eat a lot of that), crackers, most French fries (due to a coating most restaurants put on them), most rice and all other joyous glorious foods.  What else is there?  At least I have my wine so that I have company when I need to whine.  OH, and I can’t drink beer either but that’s no great loss, I hate beer.  I will say that I am giving it a one month trial period and if I don’t see improvements then it’s back to my old ways.  I already gave up diet drinks and artificial sweeteners and I don’t smoke so if I were going to give something up for Lint, if I were Catholic, it would have to be chicken or broccoli.  Ok, so maybe I could give up Jelly Bellies – if I wanted to go suicidal. 

Dearest Chips and Salasa,

I am writing to tell you we can no longer see one another.  I know, it’s not you, it’s me.  Really it is.  I will miss your spicy crunch and the way you used to hold me over until my salad arrived.  You provided me joy and a ray of light when I knew my meal would only be lettuce, chicken and dressing on the side.  Farewell C&S, I know there is someone else out there that will love you as much as I do.

Love, Kat

P.S. If this whole gluten free thing doesn’t work out, can I call you?

*This is not a totally comprehensive list but for the most part accurate.

Have you ever started with a personal trainer, stopped eating bread and chips, started working out regularly and then gained weight?  Me either, but if I had I would be really irritated.  But I will say that something resembling a rear end seems to be forming behind me, my jeans don’t know quite know what to do as they have never experienced this before – must be all the squats and lunges.

I had another session with Angie last week.  Though I have only met with her twice now each time I realize that what I thought was working out was NOT in comparison to what she makes me do.  When left to my own devices I leisurely do each exercise, take a breather and then move on to the next.  Thursday I went from lunges, to push ups to 50 jump ropes and then repeated 3 times.  I could barely breathe though I did manage to find the capacity to complain.  My protest seemed to fall on deaf ears, as she continued to work me.  She also told me that I needed to be doing something every day to get my metabolism going.  So if we are having dinner, a casual conversation, drinks, a conference call or anything else in between and I break out in jumping jacks you will know why.

Can you tell the difference yet, it’s amazing what 5lb weights can do in just a few weeks?

P.S. Chewy considers it his job to stand over my face while I am laying on my yoga mat, making things like breathing and sit ups nearly impossible.

I came home yesterday to find Chad cleaning up a white powdery mess.  No, it wasn’t anything scandalous – well, I guess it is pretty scandalous when the dog pushes the lazy susan open so that he can yank down the flour and powdered sugar bags and have himself a little snack.  Ugg, he is so bad.  And this is following a very brazen treat incident.

I came home on Tuesday and Chad shouted downstairs “Don’t feed the dog!”  Uh oh, that’s never good.  He continued to explain that Chewy had gotten up onto the bottom shelf of the pantry to retrieve his box of treats.  If I had to guestimate I would say there were 25 whole mini milk bones.  And for a 17 pound dog (or previously 17 pound dog) that’s a lot!  That night his tummy rumbled and girggled incessantly and there was a faint cloud of stink that followed him around until the next day.  OY, what am I gonna do with him.  Oh, I almost forgot the funniest part.  Chad put the completely empty treat box back in the pantry.  Um, excuse me but why?  “I dunno.”  So like a man.  I am surrounded by boys – no wonder I only want to watch romantic comedies.

P.S. American Idol – SO WRONG.  It is now a given that Adam will win since Alison is not an option anymore.  I think it will come down to Danny and Adam, since Danny is a favorite because he is such a nice guy.  But we have not heard the last of Alison, she is awesome and I know she will go far!

I just read this breaking news:

Tab Claims Woman Having Their Twins Led Promiscuous Life: The woman carrying Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick’s twins has led a wild life in the past, reveals Star. Surrogate mom Michelle Ross is a 26-year-old kennel worker who used to have pink hair, admits to having an affinity for five-inch heels and is openly bisexual — even flaunting the status with a tattoo on her wrist. For the babies’ sakes, we sure hope she’s cleaned up her act.

So she is different from everyone else in Hollywood how?  I mean, besides the kennel job, but maybe she just loves animals.

Have you ever walked all the way around your pool with a bottle of Windex killing the fire ants that seemed to appear out of nowhere?  Me either, but if I had I would think it would be very rewarding.

Shame on me, is all I can say.  My fans family has been giving me all kinds of grief for my sparse blogging.  So it’s time to make up for lost time.

The Real Housewives synopsis, since I didn’t get to watch last week’s episode until SUNDAY (a crime in some countries) – Kelly is officially a whiney, annoying, immature, model past her prime who needs to stop dressing like a slutty Pocahontas.  And I can’t wait for tonight’s episode when Jill and Bethenny appear to get in really bad argument.  Just from the previews I could tell the anger was extremely real.

Regarding The Hills – Brody’s girlfriend is so obnoxious, she makes Audrina look like a Harvard alum.  And that is no easy task.  And although it isn’t on the show yet I was truly surprised that Heidi and Spencer got married.  I thought for sure it was all for the cameras and that they would stage a dramatic breakup soon.  But my reality TV radar must be on the blink because they are legitimately married now.  Oh well, I guess this is Heidi’s charity work  – sparing other young girls the trauma of having a romantic encounter with Spencer….at least, I hope the marriage can keep him from hooking up with other chicas.

Now, on to our home improvements.  Unfortunately I didn’t take before pictures of our floors but here are the after shots: 

But I did take some “before décor” photos of the kitchen:

And after:

So last night I was doing my workout and Chewy decided that he was getting a little thick around the middle and that he should probably engage in a little Yoga:

He gorged on a bowl of dog food afterwards but I swear he looks a little thinner already.