Katastrophies & Other Important News

Last night was pretty wild.  I got hit on by older men, enjoyed a gourmet meal and was surrounded by wine and beer.  An evening at a bar?  Nahh.  A local hot spot?  Sort of.  Dinner with my grandparents at the retirement community – DEFINITELY. 

True story – two men tried to pick me up.  One told me to dump my husband and marry him – geez Chad can’t allow me to visit again without his close supervision, it’s just too dangerous.  So is it really bad that I had a lot of fun at the retirement community?  I mean, the food was amazing, everyone was so friendly and heck they had a whole room just to hold walkers while patrons dined on tomato bisque, seared trout and ice cream sundaes (not that I had one…..well maybe…..ok I did, but only because my grandma made me, it’s true).  This one lady walked up to our table and started going on and on about how great Nordstrom is.  It was as if I found my soul mate, only she is an 85 year old Jewish woman.  The crazy thing is I actually knew two people.  What are the odds that I would know anyone in a group of retired, 75-90 year olds?  Truly a wild night.

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Last Saturday I apparently unloaded everything in my purse at Matt and Tawna’s house and then promptly forgot it all.  Among the missing was my camera, gasp, so I haven’t been able to share with you the final, final buffet pics featuring my new artwork.  It’s amazing what you can do with black paint and a white canvas:

(Notice the placement of our alarm pad, the bane of my existence – things like smoke detectors and plugs are so ugly yet I suppose necessary.)

 I hope everyone has a great weekend (both of my dedicated readers)!

If you get home and immediately start sweating like you have just worked out – does it count as an actual workout?  My guess is, probably not.  But our downstairs air conditioner went out yesterday morning (hooray for 15 year old units) so when I got home at 7:30 it was nice and toasty.  Since I workout at home I didn’t have any other choice but to skip the workout and have a glass of wine instead. 

I have exciting news: Imogene Heap’s new CD Ellipse is out!  Go here to order or checkout iTunes.  If you aren’t familiar with her you need to become familiar, she is amazing.  We have seen her twice live and she is a one woman show, all of her instruments are electronic and she runs these loops one right after another…you just have to see it.

Today marks exactly one week before I am headed to Washington!  It also marks one week before Chad embarks on his all guy fantasy football weekend (while this does not sound like a heterosexual event it totally is).  I am a little fearful of what I might return home to.  I envision random utensils scattered about in the kitchen, a trail of basketball shorts and socks from the bedroom to the bathroom, toilet seats all up, toilet paper rolls empty with a new roll sitting conveniently next to the sink, and trash bags full of empty Coke cans and Wing Stop containers.  But all that aside I am very excited about my solo excursion.  There is so much to do in Washington – when people visit us all I can off is, “Um, do you wanna go to the mall they have an awesome food court.”  I don’t think anyone comes to Dallas for the scenery so I guess stellar shopping is all we have.  Oh, and Billy Bob’s, but that’s technically Fort Worth.  Yeah, if 98% of my friends and family weren’t here I am not sure I would be either.

It’s not that I have been slacking on my blog it’s that it has been acting up.  Not sure what is wrong but it takes 5 tries to pull it up and it’s starting to royally tick me off.  But what can I do, it’s free.

So a couple of updates (OK so 4 updates):

1.  Chad has been dutifully working out; he even has the token weight bench in the garage with a giant fan.  I don’t know how he does it, lifting weights in a garage in Texas in August.  And men say women don’t have any common sense.  But he is sticking with it and making progress.  Of course men work out one week and see drastic changes.  NOT.  FAIR.

2. My workouts have been slow and steady.  I skipped the week that we moved my grandparents because I had literally no time and no energy.  But I begrudgingly got in three workouts last week and starting today I will do the same this week.

3. I had a gluten-free slip up, on purpose.  It was a few weeks ago, I was STARVING and moving my grandparents and they brought over pizza.  I couldn’t stop myself.  Being that I haven’t had pizza or bread of any kind in months I couldn’t stop at one piece…or five.  Yikes, I know, I had FIVE pieces and I paid for it.  The next two days I felt like poop.

4. And Chewy is still a little black dog who barks a lot, in case you were wondering.

I have a new favorite saying regarding people’s whose lives appear perfect: “Just because the bed is made doesn’t mean the sheets are clean.”  Chad looked at me like a deer in headlights Sunday night when I announced my epiphany, blinking and staring with his mouth half open.  Tell me the truth – do you guys get it?  Must I explain?  The point being that just because the outside seems nice and tidy doesn’t meant that hidden beneath isn’t a hot mess!  I think we often look at others and assume that their sheets are clean just because the bed is made.  Think about it.  And quote if you would like.

P.S. Chad and I never make our bed, just so you know.  And while we change our sheets weekly our little black dog makes sure that he properly rolls and swims across every inch therefore leaving a trail of black hair behind him.  It’s a charmed life, but someone has to lead it.

P.P.S. It is odd that despite my OCD I don’t make the bed but I look at it like this: I am just going to have to unmake it later so by not making it at all I stay a step ahead of the game at all times.

There are some concepts in life that still evade me, the most obvious being algebra.  Thank goodness all of my math teachers LIED, I actually DON’T need to know it to get by in life.  My handy dandy calculator works just fine for the basic math I need to get through the day.  And if a job were to require algebra I probably wouldn’t apply for it anyway.

Another baffling concept: If the English and the French and all other individuals from foreign nations (and Wisconsin) have accents then what do we have?  Are we simply void of an accent or do we just not hear it in our own heads?  Think about it and please inform me if you know the answer.

A third actually came to mind today.  Why can’t we have Canadian style healthcare for everyday preventative stuff and American healthcare for important surgeries and what not?  You know, like a blended system.  Because at this point even those WITH healthcare hold off of important checkups because co-pays are so danged expensive (and don’t get me started on my miniature eye drops that cost $85).  And yet, I don’t want to wait 8 years for a kidney transplant either.  So someone much smarter than me should figure out how that could work and make it so. Come on, snap, snap.

So I know it seems like I sit around and ponder the keys to the universe all day (mostly on commercial breaks) but I actually don’t.  Last night I spent the remainder of the evening reading The Time Traveler’s Wife.  While reading Chewy snuggled in between Chad and I to take nap number 14 before he retired to bed with me.  I guess being 12 years old is quite exhausting. 

Tonight is Green Smoothie night, don’t be jealous I know I lead and exicting life.

Have you ever bought something new, ripped the tags off, disposed of the bag and slipped it into your closet hoping your husband wouldn’t notice?  Yeah, me neither, that would be wrong and almost like lying.

Yesterday I made an innocent trip to the mall to pick up a zip up jacket and maybe some casual workout/bum around pants.  After being told “No, I am sorry, we don’t carry longs in any of our pants” (story of my dang life) at Dick’s I skipped the sporting goods store and headed to The Gap.

The Gap is hit or miss for me.  Sometimes it’s a boring sea of khaki and jeans and sometimes they have great finds.  Yesterday = great finds.  I picked out a sweater, a button up and a t-shirt.  When I got to the register the sales lady said, “Uh did you realize that all of this is buy one get one free?”  Uh NO I DIDN’T but now that I do I am gonna have to hit the sales floor again– wahoo!  So I got two sweaters, two t-shirts and two regular shirts for the price of one of each….plus it was 10% Tuesday for Gap card members AND I had just received $10 off in the mail for Gap Reward Points.  SURPRISE!  I love a good sale.

Nothing gets me more fired up than saving money on great clothing items, so after my success at The Gap I found myself at Nordstrom (crap, how does that always seem to happen).  This is where I really got in trouble.  I found two pairs of comfy cute Seven jeans…ON SALE, of course, for over ½ off.  So I got two for the price of one (though they are both the same style they are different washes and some unique features…that only a woman would notice):

The jeans just increased my shopping high so I headed downstairs to the shoes hoping for some ballet flats.  Darn it all if I didn’t find some, which is actually a miracle, considering my extremely narrow foot I don’t usually do well with slip on shoes of any kind.  But luckily they had a snakeskin pair with a slight wedge, they are very cute and I couldn’t find a picture on-line anywhere!

So after heading to the mall for a zip up jacket and some pants I leave shamefully carrying three bags of goodies.   Oops.

P.S. Does anyone watch Miami Social?  Did you see last night’s episode?  I assume it was the season finale because the ending scenes were OH SO LAME and staged and embarrassingly “dramatic”!

In my near 30 years on this earth I have come to the conclusion that I may or may not be a tad bit OCD (slight pause while friends and family gasp in disbelief).  I can get hyper-focused on the most minute detail for an indefinite length of time.  Projects are one of my favorite things, they have a beginning and an end a before and an after.  So when sorting through things at my grandmother’s house I was more than happy to take an established  1970s buffet off her hands.  As soon as I knew it was up for grabs I began making my plans.  First I would need to strip it (insert Beavis and Butthead laugh), then sand it, then paint it, then scuff it up a bit, then glaze it and then put new hardware on.  It all sounds easier than it is, especially the stripping part.  My first experience with stripper, ok that’s quite enough people get your mind out of the gutter, was when I refinished our banister.  It took me weeks to recover and for the skin on my hand to grow back.  So this time: Bio Hazard Gloves – the kind my mom used to clean the bathroom with.

Anyhow, Thursday night I stripped, Friday night I sanded and painted and Saturday morning I scuffed and glazed….and last night I finally got around to the hardware.  I proudly present to you before:

And After:

I had visions of brushed nickel hardware but they didn’t have any that would fit the holes from the old hardware so I had to settle for a combo of iron-esk door handles and the old hardware on the drawer (geez how many times can I say hardware).

After I completed the project last night I unloaded all of my newly acquired Waterford crystal, Wedgewood trinkets, silver table accessories that nobody in 2009 would have any use for on a regular basis but that I still like, and an entire set of vintage glassware.  So, if anyone needs me to host a party of 425 just let me know, I am totally prepared….although they may need to filter out to the front lawn because while I may have enough fine dishware to serve them our house might not hold them.

What is tall, naturally blonde and red all over?   Oh Yeah, it’s me. 

I spent the day at the lake yesterday and now I am paying the price for an irresponsible use of sunscreen – or lack there of.  I know.  How can I not know better at almost 30 years old.  Some people are slow learners and I have never been good at math, I should know that Me + 4 Hours of Sun – Sunscreen = BAD BURN.  And the best part is that everyone I work with is really observant, “So, did you get some sun?”  or “Looks like you got some sun.”  Hmm, really, I had NO IDEA.

This week it’s back on the wagon.  I haven’t been able to work out because I haven’t been home so it’s (exercise) balls to the wall now.  But even with my slacking I have inspired my hubby to start.  After he listened to my radio interview  (it’s at the very bottom) he came downstairs with a plan.  So this weekend he went out and purchased a pull up bar, some hand weights and those Perfect Pushup things.  All of which are now permanently placed around the home in not so secret places.  Who needs a coffee table when you have these in the middle of your floor all day:

And really, closing your door is totally overrated, it’s way better to have this in your doorway at all times:

I am pretty proud, he has already replaced his pudding cups with fruit cups.  And his Coke consumption has gone down now that he has realized how yummy Propel is.  Go Chad!

So I think it’s time that I go ahead and acknowledge that the time is approaching.  As the weeks pass by and the temperatures go from 104 to 98 I think it’s clear to everyone that football season is upon us.  Sigh.  With preseason games and the new version of Madden football has once again inched its way into my life.  Dang it, how does this happen EVERY YEAR.  Now it’s time for me to put my game face on and start practicing, “No honey, I don’t mind, I will just go knit a sweater while you watch the game.”  “Go ahead and take that call, answer that text, you know I don’t mind as long as it’s for Fantasy Football, after all you are the commissioner.”   “No, wearing your jersey is cool, you don’t look ridiculous, wear it with pride!”  And finally, “I am not laughing, I swear, it’s perfectly understandable why a group of grown men would get so upset over the controversial postings on the message board.”  I need to start my drills soon otherwise all of the above could come off as insincere, and we don’t want that.

On the up side, I will be heading to Washington during Draft Weekend, which was formerly known as Labor Day…it’s a little holiday that Americans have practiced for hundreds of years (at least I think so) but when I met Chad it officially became Draft Day instead.  Whatever.  Anyway, I am visiting my friend Julie and her husband Blake.  They live in Washington right next to Oregon on a BEAUTIFUL piece of land.  I cannot wait.  We are going to hike, wine taste gulp, river raft and just visit.  She said the weather should be cool, as in cool enough for a coat!  Wahoo, I will have to pull mine out and dust it off.

Confession: I have had two McDonald’s sundaes in the last 5 days.  Shameful.  I know.  But they are really yummy and only 330 calories, which for a sundae is pretty good.

Work has been hectic, plus we are helping my grandparents sort through 25 years of memories so that they can move into an AMAZING retirement community.  I would post the link to the site but I don’t want any of you stalking them, not that you would, but you might.  The place is seriously luxurious and wonderful, I will be visiting often since they have a 4 star restaurant downstairs.  And none of that shuffling around in your PJs nonsense that you see at some retirement communities, this place is top notch with strict rules about PJs, scrubs and even shorts at the dinner hour.  Fancy schmancy.  Another upside of all this cleaning out is that I have inherited a lot of fine china, silver and other as sundry items…and everyone is still alive and well.  So I can enjoy my grandmother’s finery without having to fight back the tears, double bonus if you ask me. 

If you happen to be lucky enough to get invited to a party in the near future don’t be surprised if you are served with Waterford crystal on a silver platter.  I don’t believe in saving nice things for a “special occasion.”  Life is short, every day that you wake up is a special occasion.  So why not use what you love!  That should go on a calendar or something.

Anyhow, I must go now.  My back hurts, I am tired, and I need a shower.  Bad.  Don’t you love it when I bline (which is short for blog whine).

(wahhhh)

It’s going to be a very busy week. My grandparents are moving from their home of over 25 years on Friday and there is LOTS to do. I had my sister over the weekend, we did a whole bunch of nothing. We swam on Friday and Saturday, spent the evening with my grandparents and basically just hung out. It was nice. What wasn’t so nice was driving over 400 miles this weekend, it’s such a beating. Some people do it all the time, drive that is, but to me there is nothing more miserable than sitting in a car for 4 hours.  Perhaps it would be better if my car had cruise control, or 4 doors, or was completely different.

Last night Chad and I watched our shows, True Blood was especially good this week, I can’t wait for next week. I really like the tension building between Sookie and Eric, who is suddenly more appealing now than he used to be. And I am glad the regular old Jason is back, no more soldier of the sun crap.

The pizza was better the second day for lunch!  And even a non-non-gluten person enjoyed a slice.  So I guess I have to officially upgrade my review to a solid “Good” rather than a “Meh” rating.