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Grocery Store Antics

July 10, 2008

I sort of love going to the grocery store. 

My only wish would be that I wouldn’t have to go right after work in my high heels and work garb.  My dream would be to saunter in around 10:30 AM in my sweat pants and flip flops (and a shirt of some kind, perverts) and peruse every aisle as if I didn’t have a care in the world.  I would chat up the deli counter clerk and sample multiple cheeses and meats.  Then I would hold, smell, and feel every fruit and vegetable so as to be sure to get the best ones.  Every aisle would spark some delicious new recipe in my head and it would be low fat and have 100 calories too.  This dream sequence, however, is not so much my reality.

On a normal grocery day, Monday at 5:05 PM, I schlep in a little sweaty from my 1 minute walk in the parking lot (during the hottest part of the day) and grab the least offensive cart.  Lately I have been laying down a few napkins from the soup station on the seat up front for my purse, since it’s new and tan and beautiful the last thing I want is vegetable grime or sticky gunk getting on it.  I digress, there is really nothing leisurely about the trip.  I am tired, hot and ready to get home before the dog decides to passive aggressively pee on the floor.  So I race up and down each aisle marking off items on my list.  I guess it’s appropriate that Tom Thumb was playing Eye of the Tiger from Rocky last week because nothing says GROCERY store like that.  Seriously, I was cracking up and wondering why nobody else thought this was hilarious as well. 

Anyhow, this week was especially eventful.  I was just about to pick up a package of Jenni O turkey meat, per usual, when I noticed all the packages were an odd color.  Instead of a healthy light pink they were all brown – not wanting to be out of commission for 2 days with a bout of food poisoning I asked the butcher if he had any more in the back.  When I turned back around for my basket it was gone.  My heart dropped and I had one of those “This can’t really be happening moments.”  Only it was!  I said out loud, “Where is my cart, it’s gone!”  The butcher asked if someone else may have accidentally grabbed it.  The 3 Carrollton firemen standing around just looked sort of like deers in headlights, comforting.  I look ahead about 30 feet to see my beautiful purse being carted off by an overweight middle aged man wearing sweatpants and slippers.  “Sir, Sir, EXCUSE ME SIR!  I think you have MY cart (and more importantly my purse)!”  The man looked down all confused like and casually said, “Oh, I guess I need my glasses on, sorry about that.”  Sorry?  Is that all I get, just a sorry?  Come on you can do better than that.  You almost ran off with my brand new purse, a wallet full of charge cards to Victoria’s Secret, Nordstrom, and the Gap and irreplaceable odds and ends like my Tide Stick, mini hairspray can, hand sanitizer and the biggest of all….MY PHONE.  I can’t function without my phone, I don’t know anyone’s number by heart except for Chad’s.  I would be totally and utterly LOST.

The butcher and the 3 firemen were chuckling to themselves and the butcher thanked me as he needed a good laugh that day.  Oh well, you’re welcome.  Sorry it couldn’t be even more hilarious, next time we will cross our fingers that someone will actually steal my stuff.  Gahh.

Well, I got my meat, in case you were wondering but the disturbing part is the butcher never went back to remove all the brown packages.  Which means some unsuspecting turkey eater is probably going to get very sick this week.  But at least it’s not me!

(This would be me on my leisurely stroll through the grocery store…only my purse is much cuter and let’s face it so am I, no offense to melon girl or anything.)

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 11, 2008 12:36 pm

    Speaking of the grocery store (kind of), guess what I saw at Target last night? 100 calorie packs of Swedish Fish!!! I’ll bring you a packet tonight.

  2. Sandy Lemons permalink
    July 11, 2008 8:34 pm

    Oh,noooo! Not your Tide stick. You can’t possibly go anywhere without that! Credit cards,hairspray and maybe even your hand sanitizer, but NOT your Tide stick.

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