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The Real Housewives of……..Atlanta?

October 30, 2008

If you are a dedicated reader of my column (ok, it’s a blog not a column but a girl can dream) you know that I only concern myself with the most intelligent TV programs like those featured on the History Channel, Discovery and PBS.  Oh wait, I meant MTV, TLC, E, and Bravo.  Never mind I was confused, I must have been talking about my friend Erica, who loves history (love you Erica, and you had better start reading my blog more than once a week or I will mention your name in this light again).  So of course I have watched all of the Real Housewives seasons – Orange County, New York and now Atlanta.  You know, because when you think rich, classy and elite you think Atlanta.  Not so much and the new season only further proves my point.

Obviously I live in Texas so I have no room to talk.  I mean, there is expensive (think Coach and 7 Jeans) and then there is OUTRAGEOS (think Oscar De La Renta and the Hermes Birkin bag).  I would say Dallas is more Coach and Seven and New York is more Oscar and Birkin.  Orange County is plastic and sunglasses but Atlanta seems to be more wine and cigarettes.  OH wait, those aren’t brand names, but still completely accurate.  So far I am impressed with one housewife, just one.  WARNING: If you don’t watch the show you won’t get it so you have my permission to tune out.  And I am about to get really caddy, teehee.

Deshawn in purple in the front, Lisa front and center in peach, Nene is grey, Sheree in tan, and how could you miss Kim in bubble gum pink.

Kim: 

Take a long hard look at the picture. I am just not 100% she is even a houseWIFE, I think she may favor a househusband.  The girl is tacky from head to toe with her bleach blonde cascading wig-worthy locks, diamond encrusted jeans, shoes, necklaces, hair bands….the list goes on the more bling the better.  But that’s not so bad.  It’s more the constant smoking (in the house) and the drinking.  I am pretty sure that she celebrates every hour and ½ hour of the day.  And she wants to be a country singer, she almost has everything ready to succeed:

1.    Promotional photo shoots CHECK

2.   Album cover photo CHECK

3.   The look CHECK

4.   Southern heritage CHECK

5.   A boyfriend named Big Daddy CHECK

6.   Great voice X

7.   Writing ability X

Ok so she only has a few left to complete until she is the next Faith Hill!

Lisa:

Lisa I like.  She is a business woman, beautiful, funny, smart, doesn’t mooch off of her football player husband, and from what I can tell she stays out of the drama.

Deshawn: Poor Deshawn.  She is sweet but maybe just not the smartest wife in the bunch.  She has a really good non-profit for young girls but doesn’t really have a clue as to how to run it or how to hold fundraisers or any of that hard stuff.  So I will leave her alone because I think she is well meaning.  EXCEPT she does talk an awful lot about her “STAFF” and how important it is for her to have a fully STAFFED estate and how she needs an estate manager so she only has to talk to them and none of the other STAFF.  Whew, with all that STAFF one is bound to get a STAFF infection; and nobody wants to see that.

Nene: Oh heavens, she is by far the most amusing.  She cracks me up on a regular basis.  But she is the center of all drama and obviously thrives on it.  You can tell they have money – but not the same kind of money as say Lisa or Sheree.  And maybe not so much class either, but hey who am I to judge I eat Lean Cuisines for dinner and drink $4 wine from Sprouts so I hardly consider myself the authority on class.

Sheree:  Sheree is beautiful and strong and high maintenance.  She is in the middle of a long divorce from her pro athlete husband because as she says she wants a “lump sum”.  She also likes to think that people are jealous of her because of all her success.  WAIT JUST A MINUTE SHEREE.  Success, in my mind, is something you have accomplished (you know, yourself). I hardly consider marrying rich and taking your husband for all he has so you can maintain your lifestyle success….no, that’s just the American way like apple pie or BBQs. 

So you should watch the show – or if you would rather watch the third installment of Queen Elizabeth go right ahead but you already know what happens.  Geez that’s why they call it history, because it has already happened.  Which is sort of like NFL Replay only re-watching plays from your favorite players in their hay day is like having lunch with an old friend – so delightful and heart-warming.

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