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Going Green Makes Me Feel Blue

January 16, 2009

So, I am driving to work this morning, it’s about 7:15.  For me 7:15 means that I haven’t had quite enough time to get all of the overnight mucus and phlegm completely out.  Not that I always have phlegm, just the past 6 weeks.    Oh crud, WARNING: This blog may include descriptive language and words that make your skin crawl.  So I am driving along looking forward to my Starbucks stop when it hits me – the mucus rises up in a cough and lands in my mouth…..what do I do, what do I do, where can it go.  Since I am not a 40 year old truck driver I refuse to roll my window down and project it onto the concrete.  So I do a super emergency scan of the contents of my car: scarf, 2 pairs of sunglasses, 3 Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons, pen, iPod, umbrella and 2 reusable green-approved bags for the grocery store.  WELL CRAP. I can’t spit in a green reusable bag, there are too many holes, the mess factor is too high.  DARN YOU going green.  In the good old days I would have 50 plastic bags on the floor of my car, just asking to be spit in.  Just when I think I will have to bite the bullet and swallow the phlegm….I see it, the great white hope.  A white plastic Tom Thumb bag left over from a lunch toted from home to work.  THANK YOU LORD!  Crisis avoided.  And I am able to toss the evidence as soon as I land at Starbucks.

Speaking of phlegm, I only have it because the weather keeps changing every 2 days.  Yesterday, I think I had an impromptu shopping trip that epitomizes the Texas weather.  I dropped by Old Navy to check on things and I spotted a cute scarf, and at $12.50 it was a no brainer.  Then, towards the back, I see that they have their swim suits out already.  OH come on Old Navy, that is just ridiculous, it’s January, even in Texas it’s still cold at least most of the time and quite frankly…….”Wait, is that a classic black bikini that ties at the hip with a flattering triangle top (the not too skimpy kind).  OMG, I must have it.”  And if you shop at Old Navy you know that you have to purchase their swimsuits when you see them otherwise you are left with two sizes: XXXXXXXL and XXXXXXXXS, of which I am neither.  So I walked proudly up to the counter with my scarf and bathing suit but I had to say SOMETHING just because it was the coldest day of the year thus far and there I was buying a bikini.  The young guy behind the counter said, “Well, you never know, you could wear it at Spring Break or something.”  Oh you sweet, sweet child, bless you.  So I replied, “Really, you mean they are giving Spring Break to working folk now, SWEET!”  He looked a bit embarrassed and just sort of mumbled, “oh, um, er, uh” to himself. 

So is that enough mention of phlegm and mucus for you?  I hope you aren’t reading this first thing, before you breakfast has had enough time to settle. 

 

P.S. I did think twice about posting such a descriptive blog, I mean, I hate to shatter any images of perfection that you may have of me.  But then I thought, you know what everyone has phlegm, it’s natural and a part of life and that’s what I write about – life (and shopping and reality shows).

P.P.S. Sorry for embarrassing you Chad (in this blog, not in general).

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 16, 2009 4:59 pm

    Eh, no worries on the phlegm descriptions- remember when I posted photos of my feet? It’s all good.

  2. Cindy permalink
    January 17, 2009 5:31 am

    Heather, I’d rather see a picture of your feet any day than hear about phlegm. Katherine, pleeeeeeeease!

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