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Where is the real cheese?

June 19, 2009

Yesterday I made my weekly jaunt to the grocery store, a little later than usual but remember I was sick on Monday.  Anyhow, I was picking out some sliced cheese, to pair with my apples, and I discovered that not all cheese is equal.  Since I read every label now, searching for signs of gluten, I have found out a lot about food.  I am always shocked when I read the list of ingredients and it’s one or two items long, something like “peanuts” or “turkey”.  Rather than:

Corn, Vegetable Oil (Contains one or more of the Following: Corn, Soybean, or Sunflower Oil), Buttermilk Solids, Salt, Tomato Powder, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Corn Syrup Solids, Corn Starch, Whey, Onion Powder, Garlic Powder, Monosodium Glutamate, Cheddar Cheese (Cultured Milk, Salt, Enzymes), Nonfat Milk Solids, Sugar, Dextrose, Malic Acid, Sodium Caseinate, Sodium Acetate, Artificial Color (Including Red 40, Blue 1, Yellow 5), Spice, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Sodium Citrate, Disodium Inosinate, and Disodium Guanylate.


Can you guess what the above ingredients describe?  A nuclear bomb, a 5th grade science project, or maybe the items in a professional chef’s arsenal? Nope, Doritos – just regular old flavored “corn” chips…that will stay fresh for the next 10 years, along with your Oreos and white bread.  But back to cheese.

I wanted to purchase some low fat slices so I picked up a good old Kraft 2% package, flipped it over and began the novel:

Organic Cheddar Cheese (Pasteurized Organic Milk, Cheese Culture, Salt, Enzyme), Water, Sodium Citrate, Contains Less than 2% of Milkfat, Salt, Sodium Phosphate, Oleoresin Paprika (Color), Annatto (Color).

I lost interest after Sodium Phosphate and opted for the regular cheese which included: Pasteurized Milk, Salt, Enzymes and Cheese Cultures.

If you are looking for good whole, clean, pure foods a good sign is the number of ingredients.  If it’s pure, meaning made from God and not Bart down at the factory, the list will be short and if it’s from Bart you may have to pull up a chair in Tom Thumb to get all that reading done.  For instance, I am enjoying some raw almonds right now; ingredient:  almonds.  But call me if you find anything that has the sole ingredient of Ding Dong or if you find a popsicle tree in the Arctic Circle or a potato chip farm in Idaho.  Because I would be super excited.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Gigi permalink
    June 19, 2009 5:37 pm

    I could not get past the part where you said you just went grocery shopping last night??? Say what! That is 3 whole days later…. how did you sleep at night???

  2. June 19, 2009 5:59 pm

    I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to let you know that I think you are hilarious. Thank you for entertaining me while I should be working! : )

    • klemons permalink*
      June 19, 2009 6:06 pm

      No thank you! I love getting feedback it helps me continue to take breaks from work to write funny blog posts:)

  3. Cindy permalink
    June 21, 2009 11:44 am

    Maxine, the last paragraph of your blog had me rolling on the floor! This is some of your best most clever writing I have ever read! Bart…now I know who poisons our food. Thank you for clearing that up for me. I’m writing him tonight. He will pay.

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