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Who Wants a Bird Sandwich?

May 15, 2010

I have three words for you – Birds.  Are.  Scary.  Ok maybe not scary like outside in the open air but definitely in small enclosed areas.   You know, like our attic.  For the last three days we have been hosting some feathered squatters and we have had enough.  I am pretty sure they are crapping all over my Christmas decorations (don’t think baby Jesus appreciates bird poop), they stay up until all hours of the night squawking and fluttering about, and they are up at dawn doing the same thing.  And this is just between you and me but I think they are shacking up.  Yep, don’t tell my grandma because she gets pretty upset about that kind of thing. 

So I Googled “How to get rid of birds in you’re attic” and the only suggestion was to put out a trap with bird seed and wait for the bird to willingly and calmly enter the trap.  So far I think we have managed to open up a bird buffet and extend their lives at least a few days.  Sigh.  They are probably up there right now smoking and drinking and laughing their feathered butts off at our trap.  Dern birds.

Chad has even resorted to violence.  Since I rise at 6:00 AM anyway, for work and what not, my sleep isn’t really interfered with.  But Mr. Lemons enjoys a bit of a different schedule.  He rests his head from 2:00 AM to 10:30 AM.  The bird infused mornings have really been rough for him and the lack of sleep is catching up.  Today he grabbed a faux wooden blind (death by window treatment I suppose), screamed something about HAVING ENOUGH, and headed up the stairs to the attic Bird Chateaux.  Not sure what he had in mind exactly but 3.4 seconds later he swiftly made his way down the stairs mumbling something about a plan B.

So I am afraid we have exhausted our efforts.  Three days ago I was feeling sorry for our tiny captives and hoping we would be able to set them free from our genius trap (which, by the way was technically designed for squirrels) and see them off on their merry way.  Tonight, as I lose all hope of sleeping in tomorrow, I wouldn’t mind dragging our no-rent paying, loud, smug, disease-ridden neighbors down to the nearest KFC.  BUT being the gentle soul that I am I will probably just take two Tylenol PMs and cross my fingers.

Pretty sure this is one of the birds.

And this is the other.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Cindy permalink
    May 15, 2010 11:37 am

    Why does a chicken sandwich sound so yummy but a bird sandwich sounds so disgusting?

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