Serving Up Some Whoop..Uh…Butt

Tomorrow Chad and I will have our very first tennis lesson.  So of course I have to prepare with court appropriate attire.  Which = SHOPPING!  Because I don’t think I want to stand outside in 100 degree heat in yoga pants or skinny jeans, my only current options.  So yesterday I ventured to Sports Authority and then Dicks Sporting Goods.  I was hoping to just run in to SA and grab something but it appeared that all of their employees were on a smoke break, 12 years old, or behind the register in anticipation of a customer actually finding what they need on their own and then wanting to purchase it.  In fact, I approached a young lady at the register to ask if anyone was in ladies apparel:

Me: Is anyone available to help me in the woman’s department.

Employee: No, probably not.

Me: Oh, um, ok, so…..I only saw one rack of tennis stuff is there more.

Employee: Maybe. I don’t really know.  There might be something else if you really dig.

Me: Ok (but really thinking to myself: you unprofessional, obnoxious little twit, why don’t you at least climb out from behind that register and pretend like you get paid to work here).

Luckily I was able to overcome the generally incompetent staff of the sporting goods stores.  So tomorrow at 6:00 PM I will be ready to school Chad! 

Checklist:

1. Nike tennis skirt

2. Matching Nike top (ok perhaps this wasn’t a MUST but don’t tell Chad that)

3. 12 year old racket from high school

4. The memory of my glory days of tennis

5. The need to seriously beat Chad and excel as class favorite

6. Any actual current ability to play tennis – crap, well, 5 out of 6 ain’t bad

Look here I am in my new outfit (with hair extensions…did I also mention I have been working out and reversing any signs of aging at the same time?):

My new outfit is SUPER flattering. Clearly.